Bren and I got engaged the day after Valentine's Day. Apparently I made some comment about how he better not propose on such a cheesy day and then he was all, "Oh, fuck, that was totally the day I was going to propose!" and so changed it to the next day.
It was very romantic, at least as far as I can recall. It was 9 years ago.
So what has taken us so long? Were we hedging our bets? Yeah, nah. When you pump out three kids together in relatively quick succession, it's generally a good indication that you're both serious.
But we were also seriously broke and figured we should spend any coin we had on starting a family. Let's have a baby first, we said, and then we'll get married.
Oh, how pre-kids Angie and Bren make me laugh!
Adding a kid to the mix did nothing for our financial situation but more importantly, our minds were so completely full of all things baby that our focus was as far from weddings as you can get.
Additionally, I was breastfeeding and when Luca was weaned at 18 months, I was ready to get knocked up again. Yes, I could have gotten married while breastfeeding or while pregnant but neither of those scenarios fit my bridal vision.
So it wasn't on the agenda that year. Or the next. Or the next, etc. etc. Hello, 2015!
Along the way, we talked about how much we actually wanted to be married, and of course, if I had suggested we just elope, Bren would have been the first to say yes (except in Vegas. He did not share my enthusiasm for being married by Elvis). But as the years passed, I felt like we owed it to ourselves to have a great wedding. If we were going to just go to the registry, we should have done that years ago, when we were first engaged.
But after 9 years, it seems like we should have exactly the wedding we want otherwise we waited for nothing.
So I'm using a lot of 'we' when it's very clear that 'I' is more appropriate. Because the vision for this day is mine. Of course, I'm consulting with Bren as we go along but it's a token courtesy, let's be honest. Luckily, he thinks I have great taste in everything – especially men.
So yes, my wedding day is important to me. I suppose I have dreamed of it. But not all the bonboniere shit and whether we have to invite relatives we never see and don't particularly like. No. I am thinking about all my favourite people in one room and the ultimate play list of music to dance to. I am thinking this will be the greatest party of our lives.
A dreamy frock and a killer DJ. These are my priorities.
But now that I'm organising it all, I realise I care more than I thought. I care about ALL the things. I want the wedding to be very understated – but perfectly so. I want ultimate care to be taken to ensure everything looks low key. Ha!
So I never dreamed I would be Bridezilla and yet, here I am, wanting everything to be just so. And it's beginning to affect me subconsciously.
I am having wedding nightmares. Is this a thing that all brides have?
Sample wedding nightmare #1: I am walking down the aisle when I realise no music is playing. Oh, noes!!! I have forgotten the music! I turn around and walk back up the aisle, hightailing it to the nearest music shop but it takes me forever to find what I'm looking for and when I get back, everyone has gone home and the caterer still wants his cheque.
Sample wedding nightmare #2: It's a week out from the wedding and I realise I forgot to have a pre-wedding facial, and tits on Christ, I can't have one now or I'll definitely end up with a massive pimple on the day.
Sample wedding nightmare #3: My mum arrives at my wedding wearing Pippa Middleton's bridesmaid dress. Love you, Mum, but no. Just no.
Sample wedding nightmare #4: We've forgotten to buy Bren a suit and so he turns up wearing pants that come to just below his knees which reminds me of a street urchin from Oliver! the musical. Once again, I've forgotten to sort out the music for the ceremony and then later, some woman gets up to make a speech and she reminds me of a teacher. So I crack a joke and nobody laughs and the teacher lady gives me an admonishing stare and I think, "Hang on, I'm the fucking bride! Laughing at my jokes is compulsory!"
Anyways, aside from my night terrors, I am feeling all giddy about my wedding day. I am planning and pinning and locking in just the most talented people to handle the day. This is excellent for my anxiety levels. I like the idea of DIY, but there is something very freeing about handing over the reins to professionals. After all, what price sanity?*
But can you believe I haven't even started thinking about the dress? Well, I've thought about it, but I really don't have a clear vision. I think I'm going to try on 100 dresses, just for fun.
* Quite a bit probably. Eeep.