This kid...
I could see that he was jittery, his restless little body betraying what was going on in his mind. So I asked him,

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

He thought for a little bit and said, 

"Actually, I'm a little bit angry."

"Angry? Why, honey?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, because sometimes I just like to stay home. I like to be with you guys," he said.

I smiled at him. "Are you feeling a little bit nervous about school, honey?"

His shoulders dropped as though surrendering, "Yes," he nodded, eyes downcast. 

For all his confidence and sociability, Luca is still a five-year-old who worries about "all the hard work" he'll have to do at school. His words. I told him I was sure they'd take it easy on him for his first day, that tomorrow was meant to be fun.

It took him so long to fall asleep, his mind no doubt racing with thoughts of this impending adventure. And I feel the same way.

I remember so clearly him entering this world. Our world. The sound of his cry splitting the sterile air with life, that tiny, cherubic face, those little blue hands. Why are a newborn's hands always so blue? 

It feels as though you have never loved until that moment. And you can hardly breathe with the weight of it. 

And now there is a new weight, the weight of the unknown and he is wondering, and I am wondering, just how will he go? It's a familiar landscape but foreign, too, and I guess we will muddle through as we always have, he and I. In this family, we are the pioneers. I can feel how this can sit heavily on a firstborn's shoulders. 

I need to make things lighter around here, shoulder the load for my big little guy for a while, let him focus on adjusting to this new reality.

And I need to freeze a fuckload of sandwiches. 

Wish us luck.

Hello friends

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I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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8 Comments

  1. melbo

    Good luck – get lots of pictures!

    Always an anxious moment before such a big step. He is so ready for it and it is one of the great moments in life I think. I wish him happy schooldays. And hugs for you! xx

    Reply
  2. Karen T

    Have fun with the sandwiches! And sending both of you pioneers big love for tomorrow! xx

    Reply
  3. E

    Love.
    It’s hard – I have no doubt his fears will be allayed and he will make great friends
    xx

    Reply
  4. Mumabulous

    My P1 is starting school tomorrow. We had tears today about the labels I put on her shiny new lunch box. It turns out that she was really worried about not having anyone to play with.

    Reply
  5. Ladybird

    GO forth and conquer young skywalker! Wishing him a wonderful first day. Such a milestone honey. Let the emotions come whatever they may be and flow freely.

    PS – Does that say ‘Luke’ instead of his name on his bag tag or do I need to upgrade my glasses?

    Reply
  6. Mummalove

    Oh you make me laugh. Wishing young Luca a fabulous first day of big school (and hope mumma isn’t too sad) and wishing you lots of luck for the next 13 years of sandwiches 😉 Will be thinking of you tomorrow x

    Reply
  7. Tanya

    My eldest started on Tuesday and he said exactly what Luca said. “And I won’t get to see you all the time and you will be far away” (25km). Today was even worse. had to practically drag him out of the car and there were tears (his and later mine – again). Loved it while there though. let’s hope for a better start tomorrow!

    Reply
  8. Madeleine

    Thinking of you guys during this big time of milestones – the first day of school is about as special as it gets. I’m pretty sure Luca will love it! xxx

    Reply

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