I know, I know, they have adorable little faces but I swear, they are testing me on every level. Thinking about the next two weeks of school holidays where it will be my responsibility to entertain them every.single.day. is making me anxious.
Luca is five years old and has nothing left to learn. Sample retort to advice given regarding his welfare;
"Mum, I won't hurt myself! I'm five years old. I know what I'm doing."
Please understand this was a real and actual, word for word quote that really and actually came out of my small son's beautiful little mouth. I just, I fear for my life, you know?
So we were arguing about what he was to wear for the day. This is unusual. Being the head chick in this house has meant that everyone defers to my sartorial nous. As well they should. But not this day. No, on this day, Luca was determined to wear the same pants Ziggy was wearing. I wouldn't match twins, I'm not about to match Luca with his younger brother. Long story short, I caved due to the loss of my will to live. Luca could wear the pants but – and this is where I refused to budge – not with that top.
The battle raged on, and in desperation, I used this reasoning for my position;
"Honey, you can't wear those pants with that top – the patterns scream at eachother – you'll look like a clown!"
And Luca says, little eyebrows raised in delight, "Yes! I want to look like a clown!"
And Ziggy. Ziggy has decided to toilet train. I was ecstatic. Luca was three and a half when I realised that by following the advice to "wait for your child to be ready" would result in the kid wearing adult diapers. So that Zig seemed to be taking the initiative to train himself was making me giddy with pride and joy.
The first few days, he was ON FIRE. Again with the pride and the joy. I was brimming.
And then, yesterday. Oh, yesterday, weren't you a black mark in my history? The kid pissed through every pair of underpants he owns. I won't go any further. Just imagine that it was a shit day and you and I are on the same page.
Today he was back in a pull-up. Is that wrong? His choice, but still, I wonder if I should have persevered… I'm figuring he'll pick it up again in the next day or so.
And I will wash the undies and restock the liquor cabinet.
Wait – we don't have a liquor cabinet!
*insert saddest little sad face you ever did see*
i cannot wipe the huge grin off my face. “The kid pissed through every pair of underpants he owns.” the lolz, won’t someone think of the lolz?
is there somewhere we can send booze donation? you deserve a liquor cabinet.
anyway, my almost-four-year-old shat in the yard today, and the dog ate it. tally ho.
Oh, stop! That is brilliant. Maybe not for the dog.
Booze donation? I need to set me up a charity.
I ALWAYS think of the lolz, Shanny. xxx
Oh dear. I hope you got some booze into you last night. You’ve earned it.
Toilet training? What’s that? Zero interest from P.
I wish there was a magic button.