So, you're all coming late to the party that is my pregnancy.
Hi! I am fifteen weeks along.
Most of us are naturally cautious about when to reveal the pregnancy to others for the obvious reasons. So we are consumed by first trimester woes whilst pretending everything is peachy.
That's hard work right there.
But now you all know so I figure, what better time than now to piss and moan about all the shit I couldn't tell you about while it was happening?
Yay!
And enjoy.
The First Little Trimester
Duration of new pregnancy elation: Approximately one week.
Start of morning suckness*: 6 weeks (aka the day the elation died).
End of morning suckness: I'll let you know.
Song I can never hear again because it reminds me of morning suckness: Somebody That I Used To Know – Gotye feat. Kimbra
Song that is on higher than high rotation across every Australian radio station right now: Somebody That I Used To Know – Gotye feat. Kimbra
First person I told the good news: My mum.
Second person I told: Random at the supermarket.
Most inappropriate response to the news: "Well, you know what so-and-so always said, the third child was the straw that broke the camel's back."
Person who made inappropriate comment: My mum.
Person I'm thinking of making my new mum: Random at the supermarket.
Completely accidental chroming incident: Spray painting the inside of my kitchen cupboards the day I discovered I was knocked up. I totally stopped when the headspins kicked in.
Rate of hair growth: Like weeds.
Inclination to de-hair: Less than zero.
Therefore, current pubic hair status: Bring a scythe.
Total miracle cure beverage: Mineral water with a squeeze of lemon
Number of days miracle cure kept being a miracle cure: One.
New miracle cure: French vanilla slice.
Number of days new miracle cure kept being a miracle cure: Ongoing.
The real miracle: That my arse still fits on a standard issue chair.
Defining 1st Trimester Moment: Like some kind of supermother extraordinaire, I was cooking a lamb roast for dinner. I had just begun dishing up when I asked Bren to take over for a bit. I ran to the bathroom and threw up a few times, pausing only to call out "Go on and start without me, guys!" I then returned to the dining table, sat down and asked, "Would you mind passing the gravy?"
Number of meals I cooked between the lamb roast incident and now: Two. Give or take(away).
Defining 1st Trimester conversation: Brendon arrived home 15 minutes later than I expected. This is what happened next;
Me: What took you so long?
Bren: I stopped off to get milk and some bread for lunch.
Me: Well, I already got milk. And we've eaten.
Bren: I just thought rolls might be nice for lunch.
Me: Rolls? What do you mean, rolls?
Bren: Bread rolls. For lunch?
Me: And you got a loaf of bread, too?
Bren: No.
Me: But you got rolls?
Bren: Yes.
Me: So you were at the bakery where you bought rolls but you didn't buy the loaf of bread that we actually needed? Why? What possible reason could you have for buying fucking rolls? When do we ever eat rolls? Now I have to go out and buy bread anyway!
Bren: ….
Me: I mean, what were you thinking buying rolls? I just can't understand why you would buy rolls at a time like this!
Bren: Okay. Well…..sorry. For buying rolls.
Number of sonographers who refused to predict my baby's gender when even a psychic could: One.
Level to which Bren and I fell in love when we saw this little sepia-toned creature waving to us on the ultrasound monitor: Utterly and completely.
Yes, you've seen this before but sigh, that's my little bebe right there….
*I am forever correcting this typo until one day I realised, suckness is totally appropriate. Morning suckness it is.
Hahaha – that convo about bread rolls, with Bren… so my life! Those poor, unsuspecting bastards. No match for our female hormones.
P.S Oh man – i’m so hoping that damn psychic is right….. *gulp*
Ironic Typos…I was a consultant working a project called “Project Ted”. I forever typed it in emails to important people without even noticing “Project Terd”…Hmmmm….
Hope the bread rolls made a nice lunch!!
Even as the words were leaving my mouth, I knew they were insane but I COULD NOT STOP. I was a mess of hormones and vomit! Poor Bren.
Babe, don’t you fret about the psychic. Ain’t your fault if she’s wrong.
But I think the pressure I am building is out of control – even my osteo today was like, “Oh god, I’m nervous!” Ha! I keep thinking I’m being really chilled about whether this baby is a boy or girl but somehow, that’s not the message people are receiving….. Ha!
Project Terd. Excellent. And quite the opposite of my first trimester experience….damn pregnancy symptoms!
And Susan, I had already HAD lunch, which you well know, madam. Geez, why is it so hard for people to understand??
Love the scythe comment nearly wet my pants… seriously! Actually I love all your stuff Angie but after the absolute fuck of a week I’ve had so far, this wee (don’t excuse the pun) bit of humour was very well timed!
Oh God, how hilarious. And that is quite an achievement when we all know there is nothing remotely funny about first trimester. You’re right … happy for about five minutes then the sickness hits and you can’t get comfortable anywhere.
Oh yes, the hair growth. I’ve never had so much nor has it been so lush! Even if in very inconvenient spots.
Mineral water and lemon … I agree. It was the miracle cure. I still like it now strangely, unlike some other things that I will never eat again because I permanently associate them with pregnancy.
I am sure that I was totally rational and sane when I was pregnant. I’m positive. Ask Strawbs though and he rolls his eyes and says ‘Yes Dear’. There’s a reason we’re not having any more kiddies. Love the comment about person you are thiking of making your new mum. Hehehe. And oooohhh so much hair. Love it and love it when you share :))
Your mum publicly apologises for “camel’s back” comment. I think I mislaid my brain that morning. Needless to say I am over the moon about another beautiful grandbaby
LOVE this – I remember being so irrational while I was pregnant. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m like that quite a bit!
This is a super relief to those of us 8 weeks pregnant… So glad I’m not the only irrational one. Have decided husband is travelling on business all the time on purpose to avoid my brainless conversation and am too scared to tell my mum. She doesn’t believe “It’s necessary for anyone to have 3 children in this day and age.” Oops!
Filarious. (Thats Fuckin + Hilarious = see what I did there? Literary GENIUS!).
Oh and Mrs Angie is right by the way. But trust me, the awesomeness of the broken back far outweighs wishing the back was not broken and you were at least in semi control 🙂 Chaos and mayhen rule when a third graces the abode – and it is COOL. xxx
I think our mums may be long lost sisters. my mum was the one with the baby brain and said some REALLY helpful stuff.
Three years later i still can’t have pesto, capsicum or salmon. i so hope you can go back to roast lamb.
Oh!!! Yay! Congrats!
I am putting your blog in front of my face and at the top of the list because I need to read more often. I do. And I will.
Thank you, love!
You know I feel exactly the same. Bah to 24 hour days. I NEED MORE. xx