Jennifer-Lopez-with-nanny-and-bodyguardFamily outing must-have: nanny AND bodyguard. Naturally.
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I've been watching "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and I want to make it clear when I say – it's AMAZEBALLS and is now my total favourite show ever in the world. Probably.

You should watch it for no other reason than to marvel at;

a) how much Lisa Vanderpump looks like an older version of Natalie Bassingthwaighte

b) how much Paris Hilton looks like a blonde version of her aunt, Kyle Richards

and

c) how deliciously vapid life could be if only we hadn't valued things like love and family. Ah well, lesson learned…

My ultra-fave character (because these people can't be considered real surely?) is Camille Grammer, the (ex-)wife of the actor, Kelsey Grammer. She is a deeply empty, deeply plastic vessel and therefore, excellent entertainment value. I think, perhaps, my favourite moment was when she described one of the other housewives as being "perpetulant" – and delivered it with such self-satisfaction.

Seriously, I live for this shit.

Camille's schtick for the entire season has revolved around the hellishly busy life she leads. She has small children and a large household to run, don'tcha know? Life is made somewhat more manageable, she concedes, by the staff in her employ. Apart from her household manager and countless others, she has nannies. Four of them. For her two children. That's two nannies per kid.

Yup.

Here's where I rant and rave about extreme wealth resulting in extreme delegation of parental duties. It's sick! It's heinous! It's child abuse!

And it makes me so freakin' jealous, I can't see straight.

I did not have children in order to become a martyr to the cause. Fuck that! Angie is still alive and well and always looking to get out.

Now comes the bit where I tell you I love my children. And you know what? I do. They're fucking gorgeous. Gorgeous little leeches who are sucking me dry and any moment I get to spend away from them is restorative in that I can replenish at least some of what they've been draining me of. 

Do I think Camille Grammer has no clue what it is to be a mum? Yes. No clue. Do I think two nannies per child is excessive and indicates that she probably spends very little time with the kids herself? Yes. Fuck all time with them. But do I think she's evil for not wanting her existence to revolve  wholly and solely around her kids? No way. I get it.

She's a vacuous fuckhead but I envy her the ability to grab some personal freedom when she so desires it. And who knows? If I could take it all the time, maybe I would, too. Maybe the kids wouldn't see me for dust. Make vegemite sandwiches and wipe snotty noses or go shopping on Rodeo Drive? Yeah. I understand you, Camille. I truly do.

But I don't need to be greedy.  

My utopia is this: a nanny who comes three times a week; two days from the hours of 9am-2pm when I would go and write (or shop) and one evening a week so that Bren and I could go on a date night (or shop).

I consider that this scenario would enhance the family experience for all of us. The nanny could do the fun stuff like go to the park with the boys (my personal hell), I could fulfil my need to write without disruption or guilt, and B and I would be able to connect with each-other, really connect, for a few hours a week.

It's not exactly the stuff of diva demands, is it?

But it ain't my life either. As it stands, my life does revolve around my children because it must. And I knew that it would be this way when I signed up for the gig. And most of the time? I am very content in this little life we have created.

But any time someone wants to offer me an out? Even for half an hour? I'll take it. Because guaranteed on my return, I am a better mother for it.

 

Hello friends

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I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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12 Comments

  1. Ladybird

    I want 5 nannies. Now. And to shop.

    Reply
  2. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

    That is my utopia too.

    I shall “almost” have something like it. My children will BOTH be in a mother’s day program this school year, two days a week, from 9:30 to 1:30. One day I’ll “lose” some free time because I can’t miss my Zumba class, but the other day will be MINE.

    No date night regular sitter, although my dear friend typically “gifts” us with one night a month for a date night – depending on her insanely busy schedule…

    I finally had to enroll the kids in a program because I had hit the wall. I felt like I was only a mother, and while I love this job and my children, I had no time to truly do what needed to be done. Whether house organizing, shopping, or writing. It was as though a noose was choking me.

    Now I shall have just enough time, I think.

    My “mommy vacation” away for six days also worked wonders. I actually had a chance to miss my children. I find I hug them more and play more, and my temper takes longer to ignite.

    It was so fab.

    I highly recommend talking your husband into you getting one. It’s for the better of the whole family.

    Because being a stay at home parent with no days, will suck you dry.

    Reply
  3. MJ

    Agreed. Time out from the kids is the shiz. I grab whatever (rare) chance I get, with both hands, and RUN.

    I really should check out this show – haven’t watched any of those Real Housewives series, but might have to make an exception for the Beverly Hills one, if it’s as entertaining as you say.

    Reply
  4. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Oh Kelly, yes. So very true.

    I’m glad you’ll be getting some time. It’s so important.

    Not every woman feels suffocated by the 24 hour role of motherhood. And that’s great. But I feel as though there is still some resistance to admitting that becoming a mum didn’t tick all your boxes the way you thought it might, the way the Huggies ad sold it to you.

    After publishing this post, there was an unsubscription and some lost fans on Facebook. Co-incidence? Possibly. But I do understand that this post is highly unpalatable to a lot of people who think it’s a small sacrifice to give yourself over completely to the motherhood gig.

    Or maybe it’s just my potty mouth…..?

    Reply
  5. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

    I can’t imagine they’ve missed your potty mouth up until now. Perhaps it was admitting you watched Real Houswives of BH?

    I think there is a stigma for stay at home parents who do not “love every second”.

    I know for a fact, I would love my job as a SAHM even more if my parents lived close and I could grab a quick hour here, or a date night there. But they live 900 miles away. My parents had that option.

    I have friends, one pregnant with her 5th child. She home schools the older ones. The oldest is around 7. She loves her SAHP job, but her husband is very helpful. And I know they get out for date nights.

    Plus, she hasn’t had a terror child. Yet. Maybe their saving it for the their teens or they just breed mellow kids.

    My children didn’t have a chance at mellowness, given their genetic pool.

    Sorry. I can be chatty.. 🙂

    Reply
  6. Ladybird

    I didn’t grow up wanting this gig – and I’ll readily admit I only had kids because the other half of the parental unit wanted them. Colour me fucking surprised to discover I LOVE it. All the shitty little everyday stay at home Mumma crap. It ticks boxes I didn’t even know I had – but seriously – I’d still leave those boxes behind for ANY chance to have box seats in a galaxy far, far away from my evil spawn for an hour, a day – a couple of months -till they are 16? Please direct me to where I buy those tickets. NOW:P

    Reply
  7. melbo

    I’m all for people just being fucking honest – preferably with swear words thrown in. That’s why I loved this post and I really get where you’re coming from.

    I love the kids but I am the first to admit I need a damn break from them. And I will be very happy to watch them grow up and “need” me less in that clinging, screaming, non-sleeping, tantruming way that small children have about them.

    It is much like how I enjoyed their babyhood but I do not yearn to return those days.

    They will always need me and I will always love them but I am looking forward to getting more of me back as they grow.

    Frasier’s ex-wife sounds like the kind of ditz I could really enjoy watching. Particularly if she is a language mangler. I love them the best.

    Reply
  8. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Well yeah but of course you feel like I do. We’re not blog BFFs for nothing.

    Oh, that we have to add the caveat “I love them, I truly do” – and then comes the BUT.

    Some days motherhood is shitful beyond belief. I mean, isn’t it?

    Why pretend otherwise? Women who do are the reason the rest of us feel so fucking guilty all the time….

    Reply
  9. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I wish it ticked more of my boxes.

    Well, in the babymoon that was post-LD’s birth, it was everything and I wanted for nothing.

    That shit didn’t last……

    Reply
  10. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I totally replied to this?? How annoying. Anyway, I said something like, I love the show but you’re quite discerning so if you don’t like it, don’t think less of me… 😉 xxx

    Reply

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