There was a time when I could not sleep for all the thoughts in my head. A frantic mind full of 'stuff,' I had a lot of trouble switching off.

The exhaustion of motherhood has been a complete cure.

But lately, there's been something keeping me awake at night, and I can't quite believe it.

When people ask me if I am having any more children, I make a face and say one of the following;

"Oh, fuck no!", "I've shut up shop", "We're DONE" or "I refuse to drive a people mover." Sometimes I will regale people with the story of how I told the obstetrician tending to me post-birth to just go ahead and sew the whole thing up on account of how I wouldn't be needing it anymore. The men in the room looked confused but then it wasn't their vagina that had just accommodated a human head on its way out. 

So then why have I been awake nights wracking my brains for a possible name for #4?

Four babies had seemed like an adorably round number until we had one actual real life baby and then it crossed our minds that one single and only baby was also a really great number of child. But Bren and I can not help but live life on the edge and so here we are with three small humans of our very own.

 Harlow's arrival should very well have placed a perfect pink full stop on the baby-making chapter of our lives. I waited to feel done – the 'done' I've heard women speak of with such firm but contented finality. 

In every possible way, another baby would not be a good idea. Another baby makes no sense. But who has babies because it's the good and sensible thing to do?

I can't say I want another child. But I can't say I don't.

I wonder if some women never get to the 100%, not a shadow of a doubt END in their hearts. I look at this family Bren and I have made and I do get a sense that we are all here, present and accounted for. I don't feel another baby is waiting to join us. But the idea that a chapter of my life has closed…I can't think of it without a pang of bittersweet. 

Perhaps it's because this little person is about to turn one year old.

Harlow - Done

 Tell me, are you done in your head AND your heart?

 And also, Birdie is a cute name, right?

Click To Vote For Us @ the Top Baby Blogs Directory! The most popular baby blogs 

Hello friends


I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

Insta Love


  1. Alison

    I’ve had the same thoughts swirling in my head, whether we’re meant to be parents of 2 or 3. A couple of months ago, I knew in my heart of hearts that we are done. We have to be done. Many factors, including one rather selfish one – I want ME back. I want to be able to enjoy both kids, without the physicality of pregnancy, something I didn’t handle too well with #2.

    Even with knowing, it still hurts and is a little sad. Sigh.

    Almost 1! My baby is 11 months old today. Where did time go?

  2. Rachel

    I had the perfect pigeon pair, then I thought I was done. Then a couple of years passed and it was “Will we or won’t we?” Then a couple of more years past and it was “I’m going to regret it if I don’t.” So 6 years after no.2 was born no. 3 came along. Now we are definatly done and I knew it as soon no.3 was born.

    An older lady said to me once “You’ll know when your done and you’ll have no doubts about it.” She was a very wise lady because that’s exactly what happened. Now if only I could remember who said that to me.


  3. Karen T

    Nup, not just you, honey! We are done… 2 is enough for many practical and sensible reasons. And we feel very blessed to have these two angels….BUT there is a part of me that will always wonder about more and ‘what if…’ a little.
    Oscar is so big (yes, adorably so) that it makes little tiny babies seem so appealing in their tininess!
    A few months ago I asked Anton if we should have just one more baby and he told me to “fuck off”…Haha! He NEVER swears, so I am fairly certain he was serious 😉
    Birdie is a very cute name… for a girl xxx

  4. Ladybird

    No, Birdie is NOT a cute name 🙂

  5. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Hahaha! Hilarious. But until he fronts up for the snip, I think it’s open to interpretation….

    But in seriousness, we have three perfect and healthy children. In some ways, it would feel like we were pushing our luck.

    And yes, for a girl. Which is a good point. You KNOW I’d have a third boy!


  6. Kylie

    My husband and I always said we only wanted 2 kids, I didnt really really care what they were but was wrapped with a son first and then blessed with a little girl, mind you they hate each other and life is a constant screaming match! I had major surgery and whilst they were there I thought I would get my tubes tied, well as soon as that was done the pang for a third came and all my friends were having thirds & fourths! I am happy with my 2, a pigeon pair, I personally couldnt deal with anymore sleepness nights – I still have them with mine at 4 & 7! and my hubby is just so lucky that he didnt have to go in for the snip!

  7. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    It’s totally wise and yet, I am still waiting to feel it.

    I think the only way we would have #4 is if I hit 40 and we felt like we were in a position to just do it once more! Not likely.

    In the mean time, prophylactics. 😉

  8. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Yes, I think I feel very similar to you, Alison. So many really good reasons why this is it and yet there’s a residual sadness. I guess it will fade….

    Happy 11 months, sweet little man!

  9. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Yep, you’re a good wifey!

    And yes, sleepless nights. Those will slowly become less and less – unless I keep breeding! I do look forward to the kids growing older and being more independent. I am up to my neck in what everyone else NEEDS right now.

    I think I am crazy to even consider it…which I’m not really. But there’s just that little voice, you know?


  10. Jodie

    I’m 100% sure that I won’t be having anymore, but I don’t think I feel that complete satisfaction of being ‘done’. I’ve had this sadness hanging over me for the last week since I’ve finished breastfeeding my second child. Accepting that I won’t ever do that again has been much harder than I’d anticipated. I’m probably letting my head make the decision over my heart, but I’m ok with that. I’m sure I won’t regret the decision, but yes, certainly, it’s hard to let go.

  11. Ladybird

    Nup. Tweet Tweet. Can’t doooooo it. 🙂 x

  12. Madeleine

    I’m of the ‘never say never’ persuasion, but at this point, I don’t yearn for a third. Too complicated while living overseas, without a real support network. Having said that, our financial circumstances are changing, and whereas a third was not an option before, it may be more do-able soon. My husband is actually the cluckier of us now. Also (nothing against older mums), I don’t want to be chasing toddlers in my 40s. I want that chapter done with before then… which means we haven’t got long. And I’m just not ready now. So… it is an age-old question, isn’t it?

  13. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos

    I’m driving my husband crazy because I have yet to reach that 100% mark and until I do, I cannot bring myself to rid our house of baby stuff. We don’t have basements here, so that means we are in danger of getting pushed out of our home with stuff we’ve accumulated over the last 6.5 years.

    So I’m at 99%. I have been. My family lives far away, and going from one to two children was insanely hard. We like being able to split 50/50 if need be, we have one of each. All signs say done.

    But there’s that .1% I can’t let go. Not yet.

    So yeah, I get it. 🙂

    Harlow is absolutely adorable, by the way.

  14. Kate

    Yes, but no, but yes, but no… another baby, I’d love one, another child, not so much… but I still don’t get the feeling that I am done and I have a Mirena in place.
    I think for me the trouble is that I do getting pregnant, being pregnant and labour all very wellm which makes me think it’s a shame those excellent skills won’t be used again.
    If I was 33 and not 43 I’d more than likely go again without any doubts xx

  15. Tanya

    I am the same. we have two very “active” (read cheeky, fighting, mischief making) boys and though part of me wants to see a little pink version of us, the other part knows that another blue one (though loved and adored) might just push me into that cranky yelly place from wish I will never return. Plus my babies both screamed for their first 16 weeks of life. So I think I am done. I will just content myself with baby stalking in the most non hand-that-rocks-the-cradle type of way lol

  16. Kylie

    We thought we were done at three. My daughter had come into the marriage with me, we’d had a son and daughter together and life was moving along. Then out of the blue there were two lines on a little stick so number four came along. 5 days before I was going in to have my tubes tied, I realised I was late! Yep! Number five came along on January 29 this year. Now I STILL don’t feel “done”! 🙂

  17. Naomi

    Oh the big questions! I don’t think i was ever blessed with a switch that said I was done…even after 4 children and 10 sleep deprived years where i questioned my sanity many times. Hubby signed himself up for the big V which is what we agreed on prior to number 4 but even on the way to the clinic i was like ‘im not sure’. But now when my baby is 3 i find that i am enjoying moving ‘on’ from babyhood and whilst i like the idea of 5, i know that it would totally send me over the edge. Blessed and grateful for what i have, and also love that i can give babies back now after a snuggle and sniff of that baby smell.

  18. Zanni Louise

    When they’re as cute as that, how can you ever be done? xx

  19. Victoria

    After our third gorgeous baby I immediately knew I was not 100%.My husband was tho..The years have fast forwarded too quickly and it is too late for me now but oh the years of yearning.Be sure little one cos life speeds by.Victoria.

  20. Aysha

    I always knew I wanted more kids after my first was out I knew we would have more and after my second I knew there would be a third and here I am waiting for number 3 to finally show her head and I thought I was sure this was the last “no more I told people” “we are both getting the snip” but now I’m not so sure what if three doesnt work what if the balance is off what if one feels left out. I feel crazy who can afford 4 kids these days?? And my husband he says he done but still hasnt even begun to take the steps to getting his tap turned off, what does that mean?? I too wonder will I ever really feel done 100%?? Good question!

  21. Helen

    I felt finished when I had my 4th. It was a very definite feeling for me although my lovely husband did suggest trying for baby number 5 because we still had a spare seat in the people mover. Baby number 4 is about to turn 13 soon. The thought of going back to looking after a newborn now is overwhelming, but I still love to hold other people’s babies at every opportunity.

  22. Mummalove

    I am definitely with you. We are officially done, but I know I’ll never feel 100% about it. I was the kid who used to talk about having 13 children, so Ben’s lucky he got away with only having three 😉 But, realistically, I don’t think I would want the chance of us or our relationship going through another stressful pregnancy and I feel very blessed with our three beautiful, healthy boys. I will always be clucky, but I’m kinda excited about all the adventures yet to come as our little men grow x

  23. Mummalove

    Oh Karen, I did laugh out loud at Anton’s response. Yes, he does sound quite serious… darn husbands 😉 x

  24. Kirsten McCulloch

    Hi, I’m new to your blog, I just surfed in from – somewhere!

    But I just had to comment on this post because I completely relate. I am done – I have known in my head I would be done after number 3 since before we even decided to have a number 3.

    And I have to be done because I’m 41, the Mister is 44, the house is small, the car is smaller, and my patience is wearing thin already, and that’s on good days. And most importantly, Mr 44 has had the snip. Twice.

    But. Everyone now and then I have a twinge that feels somehow like pregnancy and I think what if? And I know I would still love another baby. And yeah, when my now three year old was just turning one? I definitely had some sads about saying goodbye to this part of my life. Even now she’s three and toilet trained I still do.

    And my mum, who also has three children, said it took her *years* to really get past the desire for another baby.

    So I know some people get that ‘done’ feeling in their heart as well as their head, but others? We just don’t.


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *