This photo is unrelated to the text below and just a gratuitous "check out my adorable daughter" shot

Is it me you're looking for?

My mind is a complete confuddlement of a bazillion things and none of them form anything so coherent as to be considered a blog post.

So instead I'm going to list the top five things that are fighting for space in my tiny brain right now:

1. I have had too many children. Or taken on one too many blogs to write.

Total children currently under my care: 3

Total blogs written by me: 1

Total things I need to cross off my to-do list: 3 million and 1

Problematically, I am generally against giving up either the children or the blog. Well, perhaps one of the children? But not the girl one. I waited too long and whined too hard to give her up now. So I guess it's eeni meeni miini moh with the boys.

2. Yesterday I went to a memorial service. Cancer had stolen away the father of a dear friend. I don't see this friend so much anymore but she is a precious soul and her gorgeous dad was always so welcoming to me when I was in their home which was a lot in my late teens and early 20s. I took Harlow with me and she proceeded to cry for the entire service. I can't stop thinking about how I missed the service, about how I hope Harlow's cry wasn't so loud that she disrupted the whole thing, about how I was so distracted by my little one that I didn't get a chance to really talk to anyone, that I didn't say hello to a bunch of people I haven't seen in years and how there were a number of ex-boyfriends who didn't get to eat their hearts out at my ravishing beauty (after three kids!!) up close. Important things, you know?

3. I need to lose seven kilos because Angie Baxter will be taking another set of family portraits and I don't want to immortalise my "baking weight"*. I can't help but think I won't reach my target between now and then –  which is tomorrow morning at 9:30am.  

4. Harlow has been a sad little cookie for the last few days. A few high temps. I wonder if she is getting teeth? I wonder if she will cry for the photos tomorrow?

5. I made a lasagna for a kinder mum friend. I just like her so I made her food because when people cook for you, it's awesome. But I used non-instant lasagna sheets which I never normally do so I'm worried I didn't cook them long enough. Now I can't stop thinking about whether they sat down to a dinner of bolognese sauce and bechamel layered between cardboard. And I'll never know because why would you tell a person, "Hey, thanks for the meal the other night but check this out! I broke my front tooth on your rock hard lasagna sheets! Next time you should cook them for longer. Or use instant."? She'll never tell me and I don't think I can ever cook for anyone again because to be honest, it's actually incredibly nerve-wracking.

That's it. Well, no, this is a mere iceberg tip but that's the top 5 and I think you can agree, it's a dangerous place up inside my head. I hope to be back with a more ordered thought stream soon. 

* "Baking weight" refers to the kilos I put on AFTER losing my pregnancy weight because I baked cakes/brownies/anything with sugar and butter for the first four months of Harlow's life.