Dodging Bullets

by | Aug 22, 2011 | Little FuckUps, Little Lessons, Little Parenting | 4 comments

There was the time LD hopped into the bath (filled with water) on his own, fully clothed. Yeah, he was like 18 months old and we were NOT in the bathroom at the time. Nor did we hear him get in. 

Bullet? Dodged.

There was the time B yelled, "Oh my god, Zee!" and when I ran out to see what the commotion was about, there was Zee, sitting in his highchair – having CLIMBED IN ON HIS OWN. It's an Ikea highchair, white plastic with a plastic tray that slots in and would surely snap off if someone applied enough weight to it – say like, A BABY CLIMBING IN ON HIS OWN. Once again, we failed to notice our child performing this dangerous feat.

Bullet? Dodged. Again.

And then there's this;

Burned OutWith some regret, the toy blocks retired themselves from play. They loved LD but goddammit, they were burned out…

Those used to be foam blocks. Now they're melted pieces of DODGED BULLET.

LD decided it would be a great idea to drop them inside his lamp. Which was on at the time.

Hot light-bulb + foam = fire hazard of awesome proportions.

Once again, we were only alerted to the fact of this when LD came out of his bedroom complaining of a sore (burnt) finger. The smell of burning foam? Yeah, totally missed that, too.

All I'm saying is, what the hell would happen if we were stoners?

Hello friends


I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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  1. melbo

    You know, the strange thing is that stoner’s kids seem to dodge bullets rather more than they should. I can think of some notable examples I’ve known in the past.

    I’ve had some very near misses and I think you can guess which one of mine was involved. Shaves years off your life, doesn’t it?

  2. Ladybird

    I read something once that seemed to kind of resonate with me. I’ve always wondered why bad shit happens to good people and etc etc – and like Melbo has said, that ‘stoner’s kids seem to dodge more bullets than they should”., I’m totally paraphrasing – but it went something like “God doesnt appear to be around when you need him, because He knows your children are well cared for – he is busy looking after the children who don’t have the same love and care – the ones who really need Him to always be there”. Sounds like a load of tripe, and I havent nearly done the actual quote justice – but it kind of lets you be more at peace with the fact sometimes tragic shit or bad shit happens to people who spend all their time being diligent, yet the ones who dont give a fuck – seem to always land on their feet & nothing ever goes wrong….

    I have three kids, and one pair of hands. I also have a 2 yr old who is ADD personified and on crack times infinity. Bullets have been dodged here way too many times. 🙁

  3. E

    oh my god it’s so *not* funny but I can’t stop laughing.
    That kid is hilarious.
    My bet is B needs a double bypass by the time Z is 7 and you’ll be a booze hound long before then…..

    scary. but I’m still laughing

  4. MJ

    I bet you wanted a stiff drink after that! I get traumatised enough when little fingers get jammed/stuck 🙁

    And Z climbed into his highchair? We have the same one… what the fuck? How? I can’t imagine. I’m worrying now, given P has similar climbing obsessions.

    Glad these bullets are getting dodged in your home. x


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