Bumpier Roads

by | Jun 9, 2011 | Little Luca, MOTHERHOOD | 17 comments

Little LD

 

Last week, when I arrived at daycare to pick up LD (who had spent his first day in the kinder room):

Little LD: Mumma!

Little Mumma: Hi, honey! (Kneeling beside him) Did you have a good day?

Little Shit (appearing from nowhere to butt in): HE ripped a book!

Little Mumma: Oh. Did you rip a book, LD?

Little Shit: Yes, he did! And he was naughty ALL DAY

Little Mumma:  Oh. (mentally karate chopping Little Shit in the kneecaps) Well, I'm sure he didn't mean it.

 

Today, dropping LD off at daycare, again in the kinder room:

Little Sweetie: Hi, LD! (putting arm around LD) I've been talking about you with my mummy.

Little Mumma: (blinking back tears of delight – what a darling little girl!)

Little Sweetie: I told my mummy how you ripped that book.

Little Mumma: (!?#%*?@?!)

Little Sweetie Lucifer: That was very naughty. But you're not going to be naughty ever again, are you?

Little LD: (Nodding passively)

Little Mumma: (mentally drop-punting Little Lucifer across the room)

 

This is hard work. HARD work. I love my kid. I get that he's not perfect and that this is all a part of life and an important lesson in socialisation but fuck me, I just wanted to bundle him up in my arms and run for the hills. Grow dreadlocks, home school the kids and just drop out of life – that place where I can't protect my children from getting hurt.

This is a minor incident. A mere blip on a childhood radar. I know that. And the children I was mentally annihilating were being just that – children. Totally age-appropriate as a good friend reminded me today – these are four- and five- year-olds whose understanding of right and wrong is coming into sharper focus but still remains very black and white.

So there will be no karate chopping or drop-punting. Or going feral in the hills.

By the end of the day, it was obvious that LD was settling into his new room. As I knew he would. The staff were very reassuring. As they always are.

And apparently, he had made it through the day without ripping a book.

But sweet jesus, it's hard to watch your kid navigating the bumpier roads.

Hello friends

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I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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17 Comments

  1. Jess

    It is so so hard. Izzy only recently started childcare at 2.5 yrs old… unfortunately I witnessed a horrible incident last week – it involved the kinder teacher telling a blubbering mess of a kid that she could “Hear him” but “Didnt care”. It was awful. Poor kid.

    Needless to say, I have removed her from the centre (she was due to move up to the kinder room this week) My heart broke as she has only just found her little groove and made a buddy. Her first real friend that hasnt been forced upon her via ‘mummy friendship!’

    I guess we just have to remind ourselves that this is stuff we all have to go through as people. But jeez, its all hard!

    Reply
  2. nix

    oh no!! that kid wasn’t my little lucifer? she did tell me that he ripped a book and that tone sounds just like the one she takes with her little brother! soooo sorry if it came from mine!!
    It is hard work this whole mumma thing, I look at mine (especially when they are sleeping) and think about everything I want to protect them from, tough gig!

    Reply
  3. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Oh no!!! A reader from daycare!!! Eeep!

    Nix, I didn’t know this little girl – but then, I don’t know most of the kids in the kinder room, being new and all.

    But seriously, if it was your little girl, she was actually really sweet – assuming a mothering role with my boy.

    Oh, and I was never thinking about drop-punting her….I made that up for dramatic effect….

    Whoops!

    I find I have no tolerance for the news or crime shows like Law and Order anymore – when you have kids, it becomes to upsetting to think about what goes on in the world.

    And if your daughter was Little Lucifer, it may comfort you to know that one mother was calling LD something much worse when he SLAPPED her daughter IN THE FACE on her first day of orientation last year.

    I’m still trying to get over that one….

    Reply
  4. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Oh no! That’s awful. Did you mention it to management? I would have.

    LD started in care at around the same age. I was heavily pregnant and B wanted me to have a little break. I resisted the idea for so long but what eventually tipped me was the fact that unless I was going to home school him, he was going to have to venture out into the world without me at some point. I realised it was never going to be easy, no matter what his age.

    In typical LD style, he had an adjustment period of zero days! He went in without a backwards glance.

    And you’re right, we all have to go through this stuff and it’s what helps build their little characters.

    So hard to watch though!

    Reply
  5. Belle

    Bumpy, bumpy roads here at the moment honey 🙁 Just been informed that two parents have made complaints about Aidan disrupting the class with his “meltdowns”, demanding to know why he doesnt have an aide (yes, clearly they’re experts at what constitutes the need for said aide…NOT!!!) & that it’s effecting their childs experineces at kinder. So I totally understand about wanting to bundle him up. Us mothers really are such judgemental bitches at times. I’m at the end of my tether as it is, & this has just topped off a fucking brilliant fortnight for me!
    Anyhoo, sorry to dump, loving your wrok as always xo

    Reply
  6. Jane

    Isn’t it fun? Having one on the autism spectrum is gut wrenching. You spend hours a week working on things thinking how well he is going only to have the kids line up to don when he has had a bad day. The worst was last week when we were at a kids party and the other mums were discussing the so called naughty kids not realizing I was his mum standing right next to them while they were naming him and the other child with autism. I ate a lot of cake that day.

    I hate it all sometimes. I really do.

    Reply
  7. Jane

    Belle, my little guy has an aide 6 hours a day, 3 days a week plus his therapist shadows him and our outreach officer works with the staff, so does the psych and OT and parents still whinge and throw around terms like “behavioural issues”. I am surprised that I don’t have high blood pressure sometimes.

    Reply
  8. Jane

    Sorry that sounds like I think LD is on the spectrum, I meant me having one on the spectrum. See this is what happens when I get clever and write on my iphone on the train 🙂

    Reply
  9. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Bellarelli, my love.

    I can only imagine how difficult this must be.

    I share these moments because as a parent, they test us. They make us ache. My heart sinks when I get to daycare and there has been an incident – and it can just as easily be LD as the instigator of the problem.

    I joke about wanting to drop-punt kids but that’s me playing for laughs and a bit of a release valve.

    The minute we judge another kid’s behaviour, you better believe it’ll be your kid next time. It has happened to me MANY a time and is always a nice little reality check.

    I hope you’re okay, honey. xxx

    Reply
  10. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Fuck. FUCK.

    My heart aches for you, Jane. Aches for you. Of course you ate cake – I would have eaten my weight in cake after that.

    I think as kids get older, understanding and empathy will develop in such a way that it will make the path smoother for kids on the spectrum – of course, the kids will take their cues from the teachers so I guess choosing the right school is paramount. If only the parents took the same cues.

    Reply
  11. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I knew what you meant.

    For the record, the way he used to stack my nail polishes when he was around 14 months old did give me cause for concern….

    Reply
  12. Belle

    I feel you Jane, I really do. Aidan is a really hard case cos so far we’ve had a few different people say (Pead, speechy, etc) he’s not on the spectrum. He sees a speech therapist & has social/emotional issues, which we’re in the process of getting assistance with. He’s discussed as one of the naughty kids too, all the time. I love him with every inch of my being but fuck it is hard being his Mum sometimes 🙁 Having said that, I just want to help him. Sometimes it feels that the kids who don’t get a “diagnosis” are kinda left on the shelf. I’m pretty emotional about it all today so maybe tomorrow will see fresh eyes on it all…then go & bitch slap the Mums at kinder next week, lol!!!

    Reply
  13. Belle

    I just read back my post & it totally sounded like I was having a go at you, I’m so sorry!!! I was genrealising mother’s as judgemental bitches & I was really referring to the ones at kinder!!! I’ve had a very, very large cry this arvo/evening & it’s released a lot of tension from the last fortnight. Onwards & upwards! And go fuck yourselves to those Mums at kinder, lol!!!

    Reply
  14. Jane

    Hey, not at all, don’t stress. I didn’t think that at all. You are right about not having a diagnosis being hard. Originally my little guy was diagnosed pddnos and I was in denial for about 10 months as they weren’t sure what was wrong. Since he was confirmed and upgraded so to speak to asd the doors have opened in terms of getting help and mainly me accepting the right help.

    I often wonder what it would be like to be a mum of a typical kid as I only have one, he’s my everything but it’s really hard and I am pretty burnt out. My heart breaks on a regular basis but overall we are moving forward every day and I have a happy little boy. He came home with a kids of names today who he is going to invite to his birthday party next month.

    Angie taught me a great word for those special mums that judge… They are cocksmokers aren’t they Angie? Lol I love that term.

    Reply
  15. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    No, no, no darlin’ – I didn’t take it that way AT ALL.

    But it made me realise I wanted to be sure that when people read this that the way I talk about the other kids involved is creative licence (I was using YOO-MA, Kim) and I in no way hold any ill will against them or judge their parents.

    I guess I just wanted to reiterate that the point of this was to say “It’s hard to stand by and watch your kid interact in the world” – not ever about demonising the other kids involved. For god’s sakes, we’re talking about tiny, tiny people here. I’m not a monster. Really!

    I never thought you were mad at me, honey. Just my own paranoia at being misunderstood.

    Love. xxxx

    Reply
  16. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Yes, that’s right, Jane! Cocksmokers. Or polesmokers if in polite company.

    Quite satisfying really.

    I just want to squeeze both of you so tight right now.

    This journey is hard enough. We all just want the best for our little people.

    Reply
  17. nix

    not sure if it was my ‘little lucifer’ or not, but whatever the case I am sure that LD will find his way in the Kinder room!
    I love reading your posts/blogs, keep up the great work (on the parenting thing and writing thing!!)

    Reply

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