I have not written for a whole week. Not a single word. I didn't even make a list about possible things I might write in the future.
Oh, wait, no, I lie. I finally put together a kind of "Best Of" page. It's up there on the navigation bar under Greatest Hits.
It was good for me to take that time out. I got some things done. I also got a bit of nothing done which I highly recommend. Stop and smell the fucking roses, people! This blog will always be here on my return but I can not press rewind on my life and this time with my family. Turns out this is not just a clichéd inspirational quote to stick on the fridge and never notice.
I made a fabric covered pinboard; I played the xylophone on the floor with my baby girl; the three-year-old and I had a crazy good time at the Play School concert; I picked up my kid from school and didn't rush him away from the playground straight away; I watched bad tv, and I went to a princess party.
I shaved my legs and applied fake tan and then I put on SHORTS. I got my hair did. By a professional.
I almost can't believe how much I did last week.
The time out has done me good. I am lighter for it. But I am still working on the balance. I suspect that will require constant monitoring and tweaking so that I don't end up back where I started, drowning in all the 'shoulds.'
I can feel the anxiety quietening, too. And that's a blessing since I am yet to set an appointment with a shrink. And it's not because I'm stalling or afraid. No, it's because the GP handed me a bunch of paperwork as I left his office (weeks ago) and said, "Get the girls at reception to fax that paperwork and then the therapist will contact you directly to make an appointment" to which I replied, "Sure thing, Doc! Will do!" and walked straight out of the joint and drove home where I stuck the paperwork in "the pile" and promptly forgot about it….until I began to wonder why the therapist was taking her sweet time getting in touch with me….oh shit! Paperwork! Fax! The pile!
I really need to get that paperwork faxed.
In other news, I have wonderful family and friends who provide exceptional support for my fragile little self – and I have the best readers in the known universe. Thank you to every single one of you who left a comment here or on Facebook. I really did mean to reply to you all – but I just found myself not wanting to turn the computer on.
This Sunday we celebrate Harlow's baptism and after weeks and weeks of 30+ degrees days, it looks like it might rain which is a titch impractical given it is in the back yard and I have decorations made of paper. But I am typing this with a sweat moustache so the forecast of 20 degrees actually thrills me. To maybe feel a little bit…cold? Fuck, let it snow!
I bought a little cardi to go with Harlow's two dresses. Inclement weather be damned!
Things are good.
I feel good….apart from the sweat moustache.