Look at this little fool, would you?
She knew full well it was bed time and yet, the cheekiness!
If I told you she literally made my heart explode, of course, that would be a ridiculous thing to write because literal means really, actually happening, and exploding hearts normally disallow the typing of words on a blog….or any kind of living of any description. Exploding hearts are very bad, living-wise.
And yet, when she smiles at me, I feel it is real for me to tell you that something shatters and is rebuilt in that moment. I believe this is true.
Seven months is an insanity. I forgot to realise that she is no longer newborn.
There are so many feelings that come with time passing. The future is thrilling in its unknown promise. And yet, I worry I have not properly absorbed all that has gone before.
And then there is the notion that this baby is the last of her kind. Time will steal the fat from her bones and then, there will be no more dimpled elbows.
But I can't have this conversation with myself right now.
Right now, we still live in a time of elbow dimples and praise the sweet, mericful Lord for that.
She grows older. And though my heart aches a little, I understand that this is a blessing. She lives and breathes. And grows.
And I thank whoever runs this joint for that.
It’s without doubt an amazing power these small people wield. Those oh so random gummy smiles, the squeals of delight that are so great they cause the squealer’s entire body to contract extend and relax. And one of my favorites…the ability to lock eyes with me or watching her visually exploring my face when she’s feeding-as my smile spreads in those moments so does hers (nipple still in mouth) then
she begins her wardle gurgle gargle Magpie style language (nipple still in mouth, eyes still locked or looking at my face and still all over body smiling) and BANG! There it goes. My heart.