When I first started writing here at The Little Mumma, I wrote whatever the fuck I wanted. I expressed myself very authentically.
As time went on and more people started to read my words, I began hesitating about how I expressed myself. Over time, I toned down the colourful language. I thought carefully about the things I wanted to reveal.
In short, I started to censor myself.
In some ways, that's good and necessary. I am always mindful about what I choose to share about Bren and the kids. And that won't ever change.
But in other ways, it makes my writing less Angie. And that defeats the purpose of what I do here.
So why tone down the language? There are people who might find it lazy or gratuitous. If you met me, you would find that is exactly the way I swear. I am gratuitous – as fuck. I could apologise but that wouldn't be honest. The truth is that when Gwyneth Paltrow dropped the c on a chat show, I fell in love, then and there. I just did. I'm sorry. No, wait, I'm not!
And there are other things I've held back from mentioning, things that are important and relevant to me and my journey as a mother and a woman, because I didn't want to offend anyone, spark a debate or attract haters.
To be clear, I think debate and difference of opinion can be healthy and wonderful. But that's not what I want this space to be about. I like the idea that people come here to identify and relate, not shape up for a fight.
But while I don't seek to be controversial here, I don't want to suppress my thoughts either.
I like to think that the things I believe are worth believing in. That not everyone has to agree with me. And that despite this, there might still be a whole lot of common ground for us anyway.
So just for the record, I believe in;
– weekend trips to Bunnings for a BBQ sausage in bread
– marriage equality
– dancing like a crazy to the music of my youth (think 90s, think Seattle)
– global warming
– the redeeming qualities of my children's laughter
– second chances
– long showers (sorry global warming!)
– loud music
– having a good cry
– compassion – particularly in world leaders
– clean sheet day
– natural birth AND modern medicine
– legalising drugs – addicts should be treated as a health concern, not a legal one
– a woman's right to choose
– changing the gears myself
– doing good to feel good
– Ryan Gosling
– God (obviously – how else to explain Ryan?)
– friendship and especially my women friends
– my mum's cheesecake
– a good book
– that Atticus Finch is the greatest character ever written
– random acts of kindness
– exercise endorphins
– snail mail
– happy endings (not that kind….oh, okay, those, too)
There is more. I know there is. But it's a start.