This is an inspiration board I made in my twenties. All I dreamed of, all I had ever dreamed of, was being an actor.
So I made a board to inspire me. I placed a photo of myself in the middle and a bunch of meaningful images and words around it.
Seeing this now makes my heart hurt.
On the one hand, I am disappointed that this girl never got her dream come true. She had moments that made her heart soar, memories and experiences that will stay with her forever.
On the other hand, I wish I could whisper in her ear. She wanted it so very badly and she did all the things she was told to do. She took the acting classes, got the headshots but still, she was lost. And to ease those creeping feelings of self-doubt, she did endless tarot spreads – will I be successful? will I be famous? can I make this dream come true?
I wish I was joking.
But then, what would I whisper in her impressionable ear? Would I tell her to give it away? How could I tell her that when some of my best memories involve being on set as a paid actress? And if telling her to go in another direction meant I would alter everything else about my future? Meeting Brendon? Then there would be no Luca, no Ziggy, no Harlow.
There would be no Little Mumma.
I guess if I could say anything at all to this young girl, full of dreams but shackled by fear, it would be that it turns out okay. Different than perhaps she was expecting but still wonderful. And it's only getting better.
Did your 23-year-old self get exactly what her heart desired?
Click because you loved me in my guest role on "The Secret Life of Us"
Thanks for the lovely post. I think we were all a like that in our 20s. I thought I would somehow lead a glamorous and interesting life with loads of travel and hoards of fascinating lovers. At 42 my life with pre-school kids is particularly unglamorous although things can get “interesting”. Travel means a couple of days of the north coast. Still I wouldn’t have it any other way.
PS: Dont let go of your dreams of being an actress. If acting is what you love, you can make it part of your life.
My 23yr old self made a choice to walk away from the dream she had achieved. Turns out, it had nothing on what she lives and dreams now. I wouldnt alter for a second wanting that dream, getting it and then finding out it wasn’t actually what it was cracked up to be. Well it was then. This is now. Now is much, much better 😛
Indeed, I still have an agent and still work occasionally but I think I feel sad that the sweet young girl in the picture never reached the peak she dreamed of – a career in LA. I still wonder why that dream has been in my heart since before I can remember if it wasn’t meant to come true?
Anyhoo, life is infinitely richer now but looking back is always tinged with the bittersweet, isn’t it?
xx
Yep. All part of the journey.
But I kind of wish I had stuck with my fleeting ambition of commercial law! I was 12 and thought that sounded very glamourous then worked out I actually wanted to be the ACTOR playing the lawyer on the brilliant L.A. Law. 😉
Alas, acting was never something I could study hard for at uni and then walk into a job on graduating. A more concrete career ambition might have been nice to pursue.
xx
At 23, I had no idea what I wanted to do as a living. All I knew, was I had a list a mile long of countries and places I wanted to see. I’d practically memorised my copies of the Lonely Planet guides to South America (a brick) and Thailand, and was saving my pennies for adventures.
Instead, that money ended up going towards airfare to London. Thirteen years later, I still haven’t been to South America (Mexico’s the closest I’ve made it) or Thailand… but I’ve travelled around and crossed dozens of other places off my list, so I’m not bothered. Maybe I’ll get there one day, but for now, I need to make the most of where I’m currently living – although I think there’ll aways be a wish list in my head of travel destinations.
When I was 23, I did imagine my thirties would see me in better financial circumstances than my reality, but oh well! I wouldn’t trade my travels for all the possessions in the world.
I think you did your 20s up right! I don’t regret mine, just wish perhaps that I had been a little more focused. Wonder if I could have gone further. Sigh.
I can’t forget that there was some rather large roadblocks thrown in – namely depression and anxiety. Which annoys me more than anything.
xx
You forgot to mention the superbly acted, would have won an award if they had one for Guest Roles,looking beautiful, playing opposite SULLIVAN STAPLETON guest role. And yes, I voted.Again.
If I had known when I was 23 I would have wished for lots of grandchildren as that now feels like all my dreams come true!!! Grandchildren are bliss!!!
Nothing is ever concrete though babe. And nobody walks into anything. You try and try and sometimes, the universe or fate or luck or determination or whatever – gets you where you want to be, whilst a bazillion other people who have the same dream, don’t get there. Thats the sad reality.
And you’re never too old to keep on dreaming xxx
If I’d had similar roadblocks to you in my twenties, I’m sure I’d be telling a very different story. You made it through, and that’s what matters most. xx
I had no idea you had been in Secret Life. That was a great show!
It is my feeling that many have been in your position in one way or another. When you’re in your 20s, it seems like the world can indeed be your oyster. Thank goodness we have that period of optimism because I think great things come of it … even if they are not always how we pictured them at first.