Today at the park I noticed some older boys pointing at Luca and being incredulous at the fact that he was a boy. How could he possibly be a boy when his hair is so long?
This is not the first time. Luca has always worn his hair long and has always been mistaken for a girl.
These older boys are always a type. I call them the little buzzcut bogans. And sometimes the little buzzcut bogan fuckers.
In my head. Only ever in my head.
Apart from abusing these small children in my terrible mind, I also trouble as to whether I should take Luca to have his hair cut short. Like really, properly boy short. I don't want my son to be a target. And any perceived difference, physical or otherwise, is like a giant magnet for bullies.
In the car on the way home, I casually asked him about those older boys in the playground. Were they being a bit silly? I wondered aloud. Saying things that weren't nice?
And his answer proved, as it always does, that whether he understood that they were making fun of him or not, he was unbothered by it.
On occasion, I have asked him point blank whether being mistaken for a girl upsets him and if so, does he maybe want to cut his hair. Each time, the answer has been a resounding no.
Possibly it has something to do with the fact that he fears the hairdresser like others fear the dentist. But mostly, I think it's because he just likes rocking his own thing, hair-wise.
When that changes, if that changes, he can cut his hair short.
For now, I'll be lead by my son's conviction to be who he is and to hell with anyone else.
And I am giving myself a very big shake at ever considering caving to the narrow mindset of the little buzzcut bogans.
A haircut seems a simple solution to avoid bullying but it represents a much bigger message: change yourself to fit in and conform or pay the price.
What the hell was I thinking?
Amazing post. I love Luca’s conviction. I always thought my girl was a bit like this until she cut her hair because a little boy at Day Care said she had silly hair.
He has a beautiful sense of self.
I love his hair, and the fact that he is comfortable with it despite what others say! My little boy 3- refuses to cut his hair {not quiet as long as luca’s}- because he’s a hair twirler- its his comfort and he loves his hair! We will cut/grow as he desires! 🙂
Thank you, Lauren. He loves his hair and probably doesn’t love change much so it stays long! I keep waiting for those voices to get to him but they haven’t so far. I’m proud of him.
Your little hair twirler is in good hands with you, I can tell. xxx
Oh I love his hair too!!!
But this post has me pondering about my own children’s reactions towards a kid at the park a couple of weeks ago.
In their defence, they were not mean/cruel or in any way being bullies – but as my girls delightedly played with a child, who sported a pretty severe pixie cut, yet wore suggestively ‘girly’ clothing…purely because s/he was wearing purpley pink shoes and a salmon striped, boat necked top- they kept saying things like, “Quick Tia – HE is going to catch you”. “Hahaha that BOY is so funny”.
I kept cringing because i honestly didn’t know if said kid was a boy or a girl… honestly! S/he’s father was there, coffee in hand, watching the entire game of friendly hide and seek – and didn’t seem phased by my girls’ comments. So maybe the kid was a boy?? Dunno??
But i did feel like i wanted the world to swallow me up just in case they were continually calling his precious daughter ‘a boy’. I’m actually certain Tia was trying to flirt with him/her…. She’s a bit cheeky like that… (yep – already…)
Oh, that makes me so sad! But I can absolutely understand why your little one would feel that way.
And rationally, I know the kids who make the comments are just that – KIDS – but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to give them a tiny little slap…. 😉
xx
Oh, firstly, had to laugh at Tia flirting. Love it!
You know what? On that occasion, it sounds like it was truly difficult to tell. And sometimes it can be very ambiguous.
Many times people have referred to Luca as she and I just happily correct them. No big deal although DUH, look at his clothes, people. His hair is long but his outfit is kind of gender-typical of a boy.
Again though, it can be so tricky.
But that’s not my argument. Mistakes are easy to make regarding gender. What bothered me was that Luca had obviously corrected these kids and told them he was a boy and they were almost scoffing about it. They were so wired to thinking boys MUST have short hair that they couldn’t conceive of anything different.
Your beautiful little people are NOTHING like the buzzcut bogans, my friend.
xx
You are a terrific mom. I love that he’s so self assured and wants to keep his own look.
He’s an old soul isn’t he? so content and comfortable with himself. Bless his cotton socks.
My 6 year old C is very sensitive – or perhaps I just think he is – it has become apparent however that bitch slapping a rude pushy 6 year old rival Terry Tate style and screaming ‘you like that bitch, you like that whoooooo yeah’ is taking things a little too far and will result in potential jail time,
Thank you, Victoria. xx
He has his moments of wavering confidence and feeling shy but he stands by his hair, no matter what!
Yeah, there are all kinds of rules about giving bully kids a smallish kick to the arse.
And you know what? Luca can totally be sensitive. I’ve noticed this more and more as he gets older. It’s like his growing awareness of himself in the world causes him to retreat a little, hang back a bit until he’s comfortable in the situation. That’s how I know that his hair truly doesn’t bother him because he has come to me about other things that do.
Little boys tug at the heartstrings, no?
It’s always such a hard balance, to teach our kids to be themselves but to also protect them from getting hurt. Sounds like you have an incredibly confident little boy.
It is hard, isn’t it? But he seems to be comfortable with himself and I hope I can keep fostering that.
Thank you so much for reading, Jessica. xx