A day late (again) and I didn't take one photo of my little girl. Luckily, Bren did.
Yesterday I spent the day away from my baby for the very first time. I left her with Daddy, three bottles of expressed milk and hope in my heart.
I checked in when I could and Bren sent me the above photos so that I knew everything was a-okay. But still, it was a long day and by the end of it, I was dying to get back to my girl, if only so I could nurse her from my gigantic boobs.
Zig and I were filming a tv commercial, and being out of the house, working and earning money is an especially good feeling these days. Spending my time with other adults is fantastic! The opportunity to revisit an old friend (acting) is a bit like drinking too much wine – it transports me back to a time when I was more than just 'Mumma.' It's important.
But no matter the distance, how distracted I am or how much fun I might be having, there runs an invisible thread connecting me to my infant daughter. I felt its tug all day long. In my anxious thoughts (had I expressed enough milk?), in my physical body (by days end, my breasts were huge with the nursing I hadn't done) and then, I just plain missed her.
I worried that Harlow would need me. I discovered that I need her. Apart from my body physically reminding me throughout the day that I should be with her, I felt uneasy at the distance that separated us. If she needed me, miles of freeway choked with cars would hamper my attempt to rush to her side.
She was fine. And I had a great day. Having that time away to be creative, to be Angie, was food for the soul. But still, my place is with Harlow. Not just because she needs me but because I want her. Walking in the door, I scooped her into my arms and her gaze made me feel more like a superstar than any acting job ever could.