A day late. Because of this day.
But here she is, my little Harlow, twice as old as she was four weeks ago. Which is crazy.
Eight weeks. It's not a long time, is it? In terms of a life, it means you're still brand new. But eight weeks can be forever. Like when you're waiting for your holidays to begin. Eight weeks is so far away.
In the haze of birth, in the mental space one occupies as they adjust to the new reality of their life with this tiny new human being in the mix, time ceases to pass in the normal way. For me, life feels a little slower now that Harlow is here. The days are busier than ever but those moments just tucked away with her seem to be in slow motion.
So eight weeks feels….strange. She can't possibly have been with us for so long. But also, hasn't she been with us forever?
She smiles, she coos and last night, she laughed at me. Just a sweet little sound that followed her beaming smile. It thrilled me so! Often I chase her smile away by exclaiming too excitedly, her happy little expression replaced with perplexity.
I can't blame her. I must look like some kind of deranged lunatic, staring down at her, smiling wildly. I remember when Luca was a baby that I would smile so hard at him, my head would pound. I thought I was going to give myself an aneurysm. A baby will do this to a person. Especially a baby who is learning more every day about how to communicate.
A few days back, Harlow made it clear how much she has learned. I was on the computer (naturally) and she lay in her rocker at my feet. I suddenly became aware of her flailing hands and feet. She wasn't crying or unhappy, she was just trying to get my attention. At other times, from the corner of my eye, I will see that she is beaming up at me. In those moments, I feel desperately sad. She has been staring intently at me, trying to reach me in the limited ways available to her and my attention has been elsewhere. I know I can't be 100% connected at all times but it's a timely reminder to step away from technology of any kind and just be with this tiny human being for whom I am the centre of the universe.
These days are so fleeting. How can I stand to miss a single thing?