So if you follow me on Facebook, you'll know I have been feeling super sorry for myself for the last 24 hours. This morning, I cried so much I've given myself a headache.
Why? Because I've just been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.
If you're not familiar, here's a short explanation lifted from the Diabetes Australia website.
In pregnancy, the placenta produces hormones that help the baby grow and develop. These hormones also block the action of the mother’s insulin. This is called insulin resistance. Because of this insulin resistance, the need for insulin in pregnancy is 2 to 3 times higher than normal. If you already have insulin resistance, then your body may not be able to cope with the extra demand for insulin production. This results in gestational diabetes.
When the pregnancy is over and blood glucose levels return to normal the diabetes disappears, however this insulin resistance increases the risk of developing type 2 diabetes in later life.
If diabetes is not well looked after (i.e. blood glucose levels remain high), it may cause problems such as a large baby, which in turn can create the risk of injury at delivery, caesarean delivery, forceps delivery and a need for the baby to be looked after in special care until the glucose level stabilises after delivery. Other complications may include pregnancy loss and premature delivery. If any problems occur, the hospital will know how to care for you and your baby.
Source
On the up side, I don't make big babies, GD or not.
And to better understand where my head's at, a short history of my previous pregnancies:
Pregnant with Luca – diagnosed with GD at around 28 weeks. Induced at 39 weeks (because of GD). Posterior position of baby leads to obstructed labour and emergency caesarean.
Pregnant with Ziggy – tested twice for GD because of history. Negative both times. Spontaneous labour kicks in at 36.5 weeks, VBAC achieved with the help of ventouse.
So if I've had GD before and I know how to manage it, why am I so upset?
- I am already stupidly tired (single digit iron levels not helping) and finding this pregnancy to be an uphill battle as it is. Mentally, the thought of dealing with this exhausts me.
- The reality of managing GD, while absolutely possible and absolutely necessary, involves serious meal planning and trying to step up my physical activity. Low GI meals combined with my fussy eaters? Is not going to be easy. More exercise? Also tricky. Hey, just go for a walk – great idea apart from the sciatica and pelvic instability that flares up when I attempt to pick up bread and milk at the local shopping centre. Also, taking my two for a walk is an exercise is extreme high blood pressure.
- Last time, I became insulin dependent. I only required one shot in the evenings because no matter what I ate, my blood sugar spiked. So it was mild and I totally got used to it. But shooting up into your belly as well as doing four finger pricks a day to check levels ultimately sucks.
- I am now classed as having a 'High Risk Pregnancy' and this does not bode well for my birthing plans.
This is my last baby, my last birth and I was hoping to take the lessons from my previous two labours to try and make this one really awesome. Whatever that means. My two biggest desires were to be free of the constant monitoring and to avoid an epidural. Being strapped to a machine the whole time is not only uncomfortable but made staying active difficult and utilising water (shower or bath) for pain relief impossible. I believe the epidural, which I had both times previously, prevents me from trying different positions from which to push. Flat on my back felt wrong both times. I was hoping to change this.
Also, if I don't go into labour early, then the possibility of the hospital wanting to interfere becomes very likely.
And I haven't even gone into what it's like to have a baby born with low blood sugar. Of all the problems your baby could have at birth, yes, it's not so bad. But then again, a baby born with no problems is even better, right?
So, forgive me, my friends, for this most un-Angie like stream of negativity, but I have a heavy, heavy heart right now.
But don't fear, I will pull myself up and out of this and get on to the business of maximising my chances of having the birth I want.
Any time now…..
Don’t be so hard on yourself – the hormonal fugue which descends on a person when she is pregnant makes every eventuality much harder to deal with. You’re tired, you’re sore, you’re fed up and towards the end, you really just want it to go very quickly and with no problems. If stuff starts cropping up (and we all know that it is statistically much more likely to in third trimester) then it is no wonder you feel a bit downcast about it all.
I think it’s reasonable to be quite upset about this because you are very keen to avoid monitoring and other intervention. As you might remember, I waited to go into labour the second time and ended up having yet another caesar at nearly 42 weeks. Didn’t count on the little bloke being on an angle and therefore never likely to engage.
Which brings me to my last point: so much of this is out of your control. And I know you know that. It is not due to anything you have done and nothing could have prevented this. But don’t think for a minute this does not entitle you to feel disappointed or sad for a bit. That is so normal under the circumstances and probably better that you process it now rather than pretend all is hunky dory and have to deal with it later.
Not long now and I hope you feel better about things soon.
Thanks, lovey. Your words are always soothing to read.
I guess I just don’t do woe well. I hate not being able to snap out of something. I know I will soon enough and that this will become the new normal but like you said, I just wanted to do the countdown with a minimum of fuss. And plus, there are still a million other things to organise before April.
I am feeling overwhelmed, I suppose.
Another early night seems like a good idea.
Thank you again. xxx
Sending positive thoughts your way. It sounds like a tough road, but you know a gorgeous little girl lies at the end of it.
When I was pregnant, I was going on & on to my older sister about my dream birth plan–no drugs, etc. She (who had 4 kids before me with every kind of birth scenario you can imagine from 2 naturals to an emergency c-section in which the med team had to be helicoptered in during a snow storm!) said to me, “It’s all about getting a healthy baby into the world.” That made me feel a lot better when indeed I needed a c-section to get my giant-headed baby into the world :-).
Rant all you want. We’re here for you!
Have you spoken with a doula? They are a font of info and can sometimes help you make a more realistic birth plan, mediate with the medical team, help you with the excercise thing and provide a sympathetic ear. Their services should begin far before labor.
I hope everything goes well for you. It sounds like with your previous history you are well equipped to deal with whatever is thrown your way but it’s sad that it didn’t turn out the way you planned.
I can’t add any words of wisdom, although I agree wholeheartedly with Melbo above. Just sending hugs your way. I’m sorry you have to go through this (again!). x
Dear Angie, you have our total support in this, everything was going so well, and now this brick wall, well you have climbed brick walls before, although climbing over a brick wall at 7 months pregnant is daunting but if mental strength gets you over it, I know you will make it happen.
We are all praying for you, don’t lose faith in yourself or your baby and don’t forget that 6’3″ husband of yours he will get you over it. xxx
Oh you poor thing! I’m so, so sorry!!
ugh i know exactly what you mean… being strapped to a bed birthing on your back (i kept saying ‘i can’t feel anything {post epidural} this is NOT how labour is meant to be!) without a shower or bath for pain is the pits. but… the only thing that kept me going (and helped me get over the post-emergency-ceasarian-i’ve-failed-depression) is clinging madly to the ‘it helped deliver my baby safely’ mantra. *sigh* it sucks that you have to even prepare mentally for the possibility. but at the risk of sounding glib (and believe me, I’m not – i totally feel your pain!) its JUST the birth. and its part of _your_ story. Even if everything goes pearshaped (monitored, epidural, caesar, blood transfusion due to low iron, etc) as long as both of you survive… its not the end of the world. it’s just one really REALLY shitty day – and a beautiful little baby girl to share the rest of your life with.