Mean Girls

by | Nov 16, 2011 | Little Angie | 48 comments

Apart from the time I accidentally enraged a Gretel Killeen fan and being wrongly accused of being endorsed by Huggies (umm, but seriously Huggies? Call me!), I have had nothing but love and positivity here on the blog.

I feel incredibly grateful for that. Cyberspace can be a vicious place when you're just one little mumma with an opinion.

Outside of the blog, I have contact with other women online, predominantly other mothers and it has been a source of great joy to me over the years. I have made friends who will be with me for life.

But this morning, one of those women sent me the nastiest message I have ever received. In fact, I have never been subjected to anything like it.

In amongst the vitriol, she intimated that she and "others" had been discussing me unfavourably.

Immediately, I was transported back to high school.

And although I could see well enough that the email had been written with anger and emotion rather than reason and thought, it took the breath from my lungs.

I was so hurt.

I spent the morning crying.

I spent the morning questioning everything I had ever said or done, wondering what role I had played in inviting this kind of malice. I was forced to look deep within. And I clung to the affirmations of family and friends who rallied around my pitiful, sobbing self.

My stomach is still knotted now.

I am an opinionated person and I will debate with the best of them. But this was mean . This was deliberate.

And I can not fathom that.

I wish I was the kind of person to just shake this kind of thing off. But I'm out of practise. Long gone are my school days and the mean girl mentality. It's just not even remotely a part of my life anymore.

But the little girl who wracks her brains as to who would be talking about her behind her back? Is alive and well.

And horribly shaken. And feeling unsafe.

I'm angry at myself for even blogging about it. I feel pathetic. But I can't write anything else until I purge this toxicity from my system.

But today taught me a lesson. I must watch the way I use my words. I have felt firsthand how they can be used as weapons. I don't want to be like that.

 

Note: I am certain the person I speak of has deleted the very existence of me completely from her cyber world and it is with this in mind, that I felt I could post this. My post is not a passive-agressive attempt to continue an argument. This has always been a place where I can tell my truth.

Hello friends

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I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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48 Comments

  1. Fiona Denny

    This brings a tear to my eye… who are these people?! What gives them the right to be mean… it’s one thing to give your opinion but to be downright mean? Let’s hope Karma gives them a visit soon.. not cool!! Sending you big hugs Ang – keep doing what you do, 99.9% of us love our little mumma!

    Reply
  2. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Fiona, you are a very kind person and I can’t adequately express how much it means to me that you took the time to comment.

    I am not a perfect person. But I hope I am not mean.

    Thank you. xxx

    Reply
  3. Rae

    Blergh – i feel sick just reading that. Firstly, knowing someone has attacked you – my beautiful friend – so viciously, but also that someone even considered such a slander, knowing full well that you are PREGNANT!!!…Well that just gets the blood boiling.

    Sure, pregnancy is not an illness, yada, yada, yada – but it is something extraordinarily sacred and always needs nurturing. Not to mention that a pregnant woman always feels things FAR more deeply than the average chick.

    So a ‘mean GIRL’ indeed.

    Wish i could take the icky feelings away, babe xoxoxo

    Reply
  4. Bron

    Massive hugs Angie! I think your understandably upset but please don’t let this little person get you down for too long.

    Your a beautiful person and a awesome writer!!!

    Reply
  5. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you, treasure.

    I was going to type – what kind of person makes a pregnant woman cry? But then I was like, EVERY person! Pregnant women just cry anyway…. 🙂

    You know what? You totally helped take the icky feelings away. What is real is real – no-one can touch that, my friend. xx

    Reply
  6. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you, Bron. Your words mean more to me than I can say. Thank you for reaching out to me. xx

    Reply
  7. Ladybird

    So you know you HAVE to tell me so I can go open a can of whoop arse. Thats what I do hon. You take the moral high ground – I’ll go beat the shit out of them. Please?

    Oh and honey – please don’t censor yourself or your words. Don’t watch them. If you do – how will you and I ever get to have the last word with each other constantly? C’mon – don’t deny me of that!

    Big hugs, and leg dry humps. xxx

    Reply
  8. Ashlee

    Hugs Ange, it’s a sad world we live in and cyperspace is an extension of that. People can hide behind their monitors and say whatever the fuck they like because they would never dare say it to your face. Cowards, whoever these bitches are, that’s for sure.

    And yes, for the record, I’d most certainly call whoever this GIRL is, a bitch to her face.

    Reply
  9. Bron

    Where is the like button on here? I LIKE this!!! Maybe not the leg dry humps…I’ll leave that for you two!

    Reply
  10. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Will you invoke lawyer type shit? Will you bring the heavy weight of justice to bear? I can barely stand thinking about how exciting that might be!

    But seriously, Ladybird, you and I are both combatative souls and we can go at it but it is nice to know that when all is said and done, the friendship remains paramount.

    So thank you. This comment? Means the world to me. xxx

    Reply
  11. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Oh, Ashlee, you know what? She was mean to me today but it obviously comes from a place that’s hurting or sad. I think she is capable of great kindness but it’s buried somewhere at the moment.

    Or maybe I am all the things she said I was!

    Thank you for your support – as always. xxx

    Reply
  12. Becky from BeckyandJames.com

    This is so terrible and it makes me so sad that you’ve been treated so badly.
    I feel bad for a woman who has to attack another to feel good about herself, also. I hope she realises that won’t relieve her hurt over whatever pains her.
    Take strength knowing there are so many rallying around you, though I know that is harder to do than it is for me to say it x

    Reply
  13. Jill

    This happened to me once. In less public circumstances granted, but my closest and I thought dearest friend felt it necessary to email me to let me know that after 15 years of thick and thin friendship, all that I thought about us and our friendship was wrong. Everything that had ever passed between us was twisted with such venom I was physically sick.

    I get it. I get what this feels like.

    I stumbled across your blog some time ago and have enjoyed the honesty and manner in which you write. I remember the misguided Killeen fan too.

    Don’t change what you do, and the way you do it for the sake of one.

    There are a couple of quotes I’d like for you to consider:

    Spock, from star trek – ‘Were I to invoke logic, however, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”

    Another choice one I tend to live by – Thumpers Mum to Thumper..

    “Thumper! What did your daddy tell you?” Sigh…”If you can’t say nuthin nice, don’t say nuthin at all”

    And one for the mean girls – STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT NAMES WILL NEVER HURT ME.

    how do I type a raspberry?

    Reply
  14. Bec

    That’s really messed up, Angie. Shame on that woman. Shame on the “others” too. How about we leave the high school-like behaviour back where it belongs?

    Please remember that for this one person who has seemingly had some sort of massive brain snap, there are *many* more of us behind you. Continue to tell your truth. x

    (Oh, and don’t be angry at yourself for blogging it … a problem shared is a problem halved and all that jazz … 🙂 )

    Reply
  15. Amethyst

    Oh this makes me feel ill :o(
    That high school mean girl mentality makes me feel like throwing up.
    I really have nothing that I feel I can say except this: Do not judge your worth on one persons anger and maliciousness. Judge yourself on the love you GIVE and RECEIVE each day. Those things are real whereas anger often only comes from a place of fear/regret/guilt or pain.

    Lots of love my dear, I have been where you are and it’s a confidence shaker (But what if I AM a *insert insult*…). Cry, then get angry, then find peace.

    Reply
  16. E

    You know how I feel about it all – but I just wanted to add my message of support.

    let the little girl in me take the little girl in you who is upset and dwelling out to the corner shop for some 20c cobbas and a Big M (and a puff on a ciggie I stole from my Dad)

    Chin up sunshine.

    bless x

    Reply
  17. Vic39first

    Angry sigh. You are the second (wonderful & lovely) blogger I’ve read about receiving a nasty-gram this week. I’m pretty thin-skinned about things like that as well. I’d probably be under the covers with a bucket of chocolate ice cream.

    Mean girls suck. But mean women are even worse. They SHOULD have grown up and learned their lessons by now.

    Keep being your wonderful self!

    Reply
  18. Tash

    I am so shocked to read this Angie, truly saddened. I read all your blogs & never found anything offensive or otherwise. I appreciate your honesty & the fact you put yourself out there.

    How dare this person be so mean to you. I hope its nobody I know because I don’t want people like that in my life & they are best out of yours too.

    Good riddance to bad rubbish

    Keep on being your wonderful self Angie & give that beautiful belly of your a rub for me xx

    Reply
  19. Fran

    Oh Angie 🙁 this saddens me so much 🙁 sending you lots of love and hugs. You are always respectful when getting your point across. Some people should hang their heads in shame!

    Reply
  20. MJ

    “Or maybe I am all the things she said I was!”

    Absolutely not! There’s not an ounce of truth to what she said, that much I am sure of.

    I so not looking forward to revisiting all the bullshit high school stuff with my own daughters. Girls ARE mean…. but grown women should know better.

    Meanwhile, I have a lovely NY baked cheesecake here that I wish I could share with you. x

    Reply
  21. Ali

    Angie i’m so sorry this woman has upset you. She sounds like a complete bully and the fact that she has done it whilst knowing you are pregnant is beyond right in my opinion.

    I think the worst thing about receiving an email like that is that it can come out of left field and you have no way to respond or defend yourself face to face. I know it can eat at you night and day for a little while but eventually you will get past it and move on the best way you know how. Plus at least you know this persons true colours now.

    I honestly think if you have a real friendship with someone then you know that no matter what is said and done you will still be friends in 50 years time. This woman has obviously taken offence to an innocent post or posts which you have in no way meant to be offensive and she doesn’t know you well enough to know you would never intentionally hurt someone. It is sad!!!

    Keep you chin up sweetie and continue writing the truth as I for one love reading your posts xx

    Reply
  22. Greta @gfunkified

    That is just terrible. I don’t understand while someone would say things so hurtful to another human being. This isn’t high school!

    Reply
  23. Jess

    How awful Angie! I can’t imagine why someone would do that and deliberately hurt someone so much 🙁 especially as you are ‘with child’ – what a horrible horrible person she must be.

    That is the downside of this cyber world. Faceless cowards can be dangerous here.
    Know that u have many many more supporters & friends than this one woman and her so called allies. I am sure she is just miserable and taking out on you.

    Xxx

    Reply
  24. bcIMthemommy

    I’m SO sorry! I know that I am relatively new to your blog but when people are mean to bloggers that I like it makes me crazy.

    I have been on the recieving end of a few cyber bullies/jealous bitches and I know how much it can hurt. Sometimes more than IRL, because you leave so much more of yourself out here than you would ever show to a “real” person.

    I hope that you get it out, get past it and continue doing what you do because it’s real and relevant. Besides being wildly successful is the best revenge! 🙂

    Reply
  25. Dan

    Keeping baking ya babe and do what you do x

    Reply
  26. Megan @ Writing Out Loud

    Oh yuck. Sorry to hear you’ve had such a shit time – and I understand completely about needing to write it out before you can move onto other things. x

    Reply
  27. idiosyncraticeye

    It not always the stabs of a sword but the poison tip that certain people seem to feel the need to use. As you say, it rocks your very foundations and leaves you questioning yourself for days to come. Be strong, have faith in your conscience and memory and leave them to it. 🙂

    Reply
  28. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Indeed. Sometimes the universe has a way of forcing you to reassess and clear out.

    I feel better for it already!

    Reply
  29. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thanks, Megan.

    Writing this out was the best decision I made. My goodness, I was nervous to do it though…

    Reply
  30. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you!

    It’s amazing how a couple of days can be all you need to readjust and move forward.

    This wasn’t about the blog – which I’m grateful for. Although they say when the haters start targeting you, you’ve really made it!

    Reply
  31. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you so much, Jess.

    Yes, this woman, someone I thought was a friend, not a close one but a friend no less, certainly revealed the depth of her unhappiness to me when she lashed out.

    But I am now free of that poison.

    So the universe is taking care of me.

    xxx

    Reply
  32. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    It sure isn’t, Greta.

    But even though I’m a big girl now, gosh, it can still sting as though I were child.

    Reply
  33. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you, Becky. I can’t express what the response to this post has meant to me!

    Reply
  34. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Loved this, Jill, quotes and all.

    I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to a similar kind of hurt (although to be honest, yours sounds infinitely worse being that this person had been your closest friend) – thank you for sharing your story with me.

    I guess once we move through the shock and pain, we realise we are lucky to be free of someone capable of that kind of shit.

    Thanks, you. xx

    Reply
  35. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you so much, Bec.

    And you know, it is absolutely true about a problem shared – the outpouring of love here? Astounds and humbles me.

    How did I get so lucky?

    xx

    Reply
  36. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you, Amethyst, my friend.

    I did just as you advised and have come out the other side so very peaceful. And with this humbling sense of having created this gorgeous little community of women.

    When we band together, women are most certainly a force for good.

    Reply
  37. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Hi honey. As you probably read in my follow up to this, the email was not from a reader of the blog but an online friend.

    In some ways, much worse but in others, better because I am proud of my writing here and like to think that I express myself with sensitivity when broaching tricky subjects. I am glad I have yet to really attract an objection from a reader.

    I rubbed the belly – baby says hi! xx

    Reply
  38. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you, my lovely friend.

    I am feeling much better – not least of all because of messages like yours.

    xx

    Reply
  39. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I wish I was sharing that cheesecake with you, too! It looked gooooood. And plus, it would mean we were hanging together. x

    Yes, I do worry about my kids and their interactions with others throughout their schooling. Bitches and bullies are an unfortunate part of the terrain.

    Thank you, love. You’re awesome. xx

    Reply
  40. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Thank you, Ali, for your gorgeous message of support.

    A few days and these beautiful comments have made all the difference. xx

    Reply
  41. Kylie

    That is just WRONG! Granted, I’ve only just found you but there is just NO justification for attacking another! Loving your words so far and loving even more, the feelings you seem to have created in those that read your blog! Looking forward to losing many hours on your page… 🙂

    Reply
  42. traceyb65

    “others” as in the voices in her head, clearly …

    Reply
  43. Sam

    I’ve only just discovered you and your blog and while I haven’t read everything I’ve read enough to know you’re my kind of Mumma 🙂 Please don’t watch your words when I read your post I can actually picture us chatting over coffee cause that’s exactly how it would all come out.
    Reading this post actually made me cry (yep I’m very pregnant) I hate mean girls, I hated highschool because of it, I’ve had moments in my work life where I’ve encountered them yet again and most recently in a bloody mothers group of all things! I wonder when will we ever be free from mean girls? It’s worse cause you expect adults to know better. You expect mothers to know better cause aren’t we setting an example for our pliable, ever watching, ever copying children?
    I know this hurt you and you are right to be hurt but I trust that the above comments have helped you overcome the meaness and realise that you are of value to many more out there that haven’t even commented and why should we waste time thinking about the mean girls.
    (ps I’m having a girl too, to add to my 19mth boy exciting isn’t it?)

    Reply
  44. By Word of Mouth Musings

    No matter how old we become, we are still little girls at heart hoping to be liked by everyone. In the blogosphere when people reach out in a nasty way, it really hurts and it bothers, and it digs a little more each time you see their names out there in the Twitter stream (yes, this is me speaking from experience) but when it happens in real life, its even more real and hurtful.
    But look at it this way, we are all so busy within our lives, and we need to be surrounded by people who lift us up, who make us smile – and if they don’t … then let them be on their way and let that burden lift from your shoulders!

    Reply

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