I think I said it best here.
But on the eve of G-Day (Gender Day), I thought I might take a brief moment to reflect on how I am feeling.
Unfortunately, I am feeling absolutely knocked out by a stupid head cold! Wah. Small boys, pregnant bellies and colds DO NOT MIX. I just want to crawl into bed and sob for a week.
In a way, being unwell has served as a useful distraction to the incessant 'boy or girl?' thoughts that have been plaguing me for months now.
I am nervous.
I am nervous that I have built this thing up – not only in my head but also, here on the blog. That you are all nervous for me and waiting for the inevitable fall-out if this beautiful third child turns out to be another baby boy.
I hope, by now, it it clear to you guys that our wanting a daughter is quite separate to wanting a third child. We are not having a third child because we don't have a daughter. Three is and has always been the magic number.
But both Bren and I think it would be nice to have a little girl in the family.
Of course, people offer the platitude "Oh, it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy!" – and having spent five torturous weeks thinking Luca had a hole in his heart after his 12 week scan, not for one minute do we take the perfect health of our children for granted.
Primarily, tomorrow is about seeing our beloved third child again and ensuring that everything is growing perfectly. That is the purpose of a morphology scan.
But those platitudes fail to validate feelings embedded deep within our souls. We can't ignore them or pretend they are not there.
Both Bren and I would love a little girl. Down to our toes, achingly in our hearts. That yearning is real.
How I wish I could say, "We don't care either way." I would give anything to have no strong feelings about this baby's gender. To be totally content with 'whatever will be.' I know I will get to that stage but gee, it would be nice to be feeling it right now.
Being honest about it now is the best way to move forward in the event that a daughter is not part of our story.
Being honest now means that if a third son is part of our story, our arms and hearts will be wide open to the beauty of that reality.
Tomorrow, one way or another, is the beginning of embracing our future.
I am nervous but mostly, I am so very excited.