I think I said it best here.

But on the eve of G-Day (Gender Day), I thought I might take a brief moment to reflect on how I am feeling.

Unfortunately, I am feeling absolutely knocked out by a stupid head cold! Wah. Small boys, pregnant bellies and colds DO NOT MIX. I just want to crawl into bed and sob for a week.

In a way, being unwell has served as a useful distraction to the incessant 'boy or girl?' thoughts that have been plaguing me for months now.

I am nervous.

I am nervous that I have built this thing up – not only in my head but also, here on the blog. That you are all nervous for me and waiting for the inevitable fall-out if this beautiful third child turns out to be another baby boy.

I hope, by now, it it clear to you guys that our wanting a daughter is quite separate to wanting a third child. We are not having a third child because we don't have a daughter. Three is and has always been the magic number.

But both Bren and I think it would be nice to have a little girl in the family.

Of course, people offer the platitude "Oh, it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy!" – and having spent five torturous weeks thinking Luca had a hole in his heart after his 12 week scan, not for one minute do we take the perfect health of our children for granted.

Primarily, tomorrow is about seeing our beloved third child again and ensuring that everything is growing perfectly. That is the purpose of a morphology scan.

But those platitudes fail to validate feelings embedded deep within our souls. We can't ignore them or pretend they are not there.

Both Bren and I would love a little girl. Down to our toes, achingly in our hearts. That yearning is real.

How I wish I could say, "We don't care either way." I would give anything to have no strong feelings about this baby's gender. To be totally content with 'whatever will be.' I know I will get to that stage but gee, it would be nice to be feeling it right now. 

Being honest about it now is the best way to move forward in the event that a daughter is not part of our story.

Being honest now means that if a third son is part of our story, our arms and hearts will be wide open to the beauty of that reality.

Tomorrow, one way or another, is the beginning of embracing our future.

I am nervous but mostly, I am so very excited.

Belly 19 weeks

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Hello friends

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I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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16 Comments

  1. Rae

    Babe – i’ve been thinking about you all day. I’m so FREAKING excited!

    Of course i’m praying that tomorrow officially becomes ‘V-Day’, but mostly i’m just busting to know WHO that little person is inside that gorgeous, compact little belly in the pic. To become a ‘he’ or a ‘she’ – an actual little girl or a boy – well that is the surprise i’m totally dyyyyying to know.

    Enjoy your scan, honey. Such a special day xxxxxxxx

    Reply
  2. Susan

    How very exciting! Good luck!!

    Reply
  3. Ashlee

    So excited and nervous for you sweets, make sure you update us either way as soon as practicable (preferrably during the ultrasound, thanks) lol.

    Either way, all the best for a super healthy bub and no matter what the outcome is tomorrow, you know you have all of us hear to vent/cry/laugh/celebrate with!!!

    Reply
  4. melbo

    Nervous as hell – I know and I’m feeling it too. Best of luck tomorrow.

    Reply
  5. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Oh, my gorgeous friend, I will never forget the phonecall you made to tell me about your son. The absolute shock you were in. The growing excitement about your new reality and then, that pure and magical moment that none of us mums of boys could adequately describe to you, when your beautiful son was finally in your arms.

    You know I am praying for the reverse of your story but you also know this tiny child, girl or boy, is the culmination of the family dream Bren and I are building. I am well aware of the magnitude of our blessings.

    Keep your phone ON!

    xxxx

    Reply
  6. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Ha! Yes, maybe I can do a live video blog of the scan! Get all Kardashian on your asses…

    Thank you for your support in this, Ash. I know you understand and I love that even though I am constantly explaining myself, I don’t really need to.

    xxx

    Reply
  7. Ladybird

    Oh I wish that morphology scans used the dildo cam….because I would be tuning into that baby! 😛
    Can’t wait to hear all about those green and red flashy bits flashing in all the right directions for little Norshun, and of course the great reveal.
    I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow Angel. Pretty fucking exciting xx

    Reply
  8. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I will NOT miss dildo cam. Oh, no, I will not.

    It is pretty fucking exciting! Why am I sick with nerves???

    Thanks for all your support and belief in flaps, Ladybird. xxx

    Reply
  9. Fran

    *Hugs* and more *hugs* Angie – wishing you the bestest 🙂 for your scan tomorrow. Your 19 week pregnant belly is so so cute and I’m sure MG3 has an even cuter little face that you’ll get to see tomorrow. Eeaaaaakkkkkk!!!

    Reply
  10. Rae

    The reverse would be so perfect!

    That way i could rest easy thinking that at least one of mine would end up hitched to one of yours. Seriously, if it ends up being an ‘Angelic-looking’ (psychic’s words) ‘Norshun’ , well how freaking amazing would our Grandchildren look if Norshun and Jed-man united??!!! – Tehe. I’m so sad…

    Reply
  11. MJ

    I’m almost sick with nerves for you! Wish I could be at home for the update, but I suspect I’ll be doing the walked school run around then, and will therefore have to wait. Poo. I want to be glued to the computer (no smartphone here – how 2009 of me).

    You look cute as ever, by the way. x

    Reply
  12. Belle

    He hee, love it Rae, V-day!!!

    Reply
  13. Kylie

    Good luck gorgeous lady! We all know you’ll love he or she no matter what! With no. 4 I had myself that convinced that he was a she, I was still calling he a she days before HE was born! lol I have to admit I’ve been amazingly blessed with girl, boy, girl then boy!

    Reply

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