The very model of good health

by | Mar 8, 2011 | Little Angie | 12 comments

I think I can finally say that I am well again. That cold had me down for the count. I do not like being down for the count. I have shit to do. Totally annoying.

But it appears that I have emerged out the other side. There is one small lingering issue in that any time I laugh, the laugh descends into a coughing fit that sounds like I have glue in my lungs but other than that, I'm just peachy. The very model of good health.

When the lady of the house (read: the head, the boss, the shiz) is struck down, ultimately, the system is struck down. Little things go by the wayside. Like cleaning and grocery shopping and any semblance of fucking order at all.

So when, in the midst of my illness, having gone to the cupboard to fetch foodstuffs and coming up empty-handed, I made my way to a fast food drive-thru and felt that I was almost on hugging terms with the person who served me, yes, I knew that things had gotten out of hand.

Here is the ensuing conversation;

 

Drive-Thru Girl: How are you today?

Me: Oh, just feeling embarrassed that I feel like I've seen you A LOT lately. But I comfort myself that you must see other people more.

Drive-Thru girls pauses, considering.

Drive-Thru Girl: I do see people more regularly than you. They're normally here for coffee though. Take that however you want.

Me: Oh, I'll take that to mean I have to go and kill myself. Thank you!

Drive-Thru Bitch-Faced Bitch: Hahaha! That'll be eleven dollars please.

 

So, it was depressing. And I haven't been to the gym in almost three weeks.

But in my defense, my arse still fits in-between the handles on LD's toddler toilet seat. I know this because quite frequently I am too lazy to remove it.

On a sad note, I discovered that my abs are totally separated which is totally normal following a pregnancy but my youngest child is fifteen months old.

"But," I looked up at my osteopath hopefully as she inspected the chasm in my belly, "they could still knit back together right?"

"Ummm, no," my osteopath said, gently, which was nice of her.

Unlike stupid drive-thru bitch face.

And I don't even want to talk about my boobs. I mean, they just are not a matching pair right now. But not in a subtle way. No, in a "Wow, that chick has a massive set…no..no, not a set. Just one. Just one massive POWER BOOB".

I need to wean this child.

And I need to get back to the gym.

And for the love of all things Size 8, I need to stop eating drive-thru hamburgers.

FUCK!

 

Hello friends

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I’m Angie!  I mum. I write. I wife. My husband would say this is the correct order.  He’s so neeeedy. I live with my family in Melbourne, Australia, where I complain about the weather for 90% of the year – but I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Except maybe in Lake Como, waving to my neighbours George and Amal each morning.

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12 Comments

  1. Jane

    Oh you make me laugh my love !

    Reply
  2. Rae

    Oh gosh – that was SOOO me when i was preggas with #3. Especially when hubby was away with work. Every time i saw that it was the same older lady at the drive-thru i would cringe, thinking how she must think i was the world’s WORST mother for feeding my kiddies KFC so frequently.

    And ahahaha at the toilet seat… i used to do that too. Lazy much?!!

    Reply
  3. melbo

    Fecking hilarious. Glad you’re starting to feel better.

    I feel your pain as I also have the cough. It’s a lovely tubercular sounding thing isn’t it. People look at you like you should be in a sanitorium.

    Reply
  4. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I was frankly quite surprised that Zee wasn’t born a medium cheeseburger meal. He must be made of at least 70% cheeseburger.

    Yes, not removing the toddler seat IS lazy but I just get such a smug feeling every time I put my arse on it. It’s like goal posts of victory!

    Reply
  5. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    I hate people who cough. In public, it’s all I can do not to douse a cougher in petrol and throw a match. Seriously, coughing just taps into my OCD. So it is especially shameful to be the offender right now.

    Reply
  6. Mad

    If you can park your arse in between the handles of a toddler toilet seat? You’re doing more than okay, my love. Go easy on yourself.

    Glad you’re feeling better now – that cough is a bugger and is in our Northern Hemisphere home too.

    Reply
  7. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    Forget not that I am but pint sized, lovey. Standing face to face with you would be an exercise in navel-gazing for me. And you could admire the very tippy top of my head. I could leave a note up there for you to read.

    And what that means is, I should have a smallish arse. So no brownie points there.

    Hmmm, not loving the accidental pun….

    Reply
  8. Sarah

    hahahahahahaa! I just put that toddler seat on to check if I fit!!! It’s now my mode on weighing myself!!! xx

    Reply
  9. Ange

    LOL! L M FFFFFFFFFF A O! And, honey….I’ve only had one and I have to roll my boobs up like a tube sock an stuff em in my bra. They are a matching set of wind socks…I’d almost trade you a power boob just to make life interesting? Fancy a wind sock…with no wind in it?

    AND PS thanks so much for your Baby Bump post. I thought my child was the only one at creche that looked like he was whacked around the legs. Nice to know HE has a matching set out there!

    Keep up the great blog – you’re ace!

    Ange (found you thru MamaBake)

    Reply
  10. Angie @ The Little Mumma

    You’d think one awesome, fulsome boob would be better than nothing…..WRONG. It’s like twins where one is so obviously better looking. Cruel and unusual.

    And yes, we have matching children bearing the marks of extreme shin-torture. Excellent.

    Thanks for reading, Ange! Isn’t MamaBake awesome in the extreme?

    Reply

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