Yesterday was possibly the very worst day I have ever had in Mumma-land.
And it wasn't that the kids were especially difficult – although Zee is teething and LD is a three and half year old demon.
It was me. I fucked up. At every turn, I made the worst possible choice. It was an epic fail.
Yesterday, I was NOT a good mother.
And the killer was that within moments of me ceasing my screaming and ranting, both my children were so willing to crawl into my lap, to cuddle me, to laugh with me.
Kids are resilient? You can't even imagine how true that is. How scarily true. You can get away with shit that a normal person would NEVER forgive you for.
But even if my kids have instantly forgiven and forgotten, just what am I etching into their little souls when I fail to be the mother they deserve? What will it mean, long-term?
I don't beat my children, abuse drugs or alcohol in front of them, neglect them or leave them to cry. But there are choices I have made that I would never have thought I would make.
So, it was a bad day.
That evening, my babies tucked up in their beds, I was tooling around with the blog. I chose to read two blogs that I had never read before. Two blogs that I had noticed many times but never gotten around to reading.
Anyone who thinks the universe doesn't provide, that the universe doesn't send messages, just isn't listening hard enough.
It's actually spooky how prescient these posts were. And how reading them meant that today was one of the best days I have ever had in Mumma-land.
Check them out below.
And have a great weekend.