I woke this morning to tell B about a dream I had. I had just given birth to twin sons, one of which I called Control.
Then B told me he dreamt that I did a pregnancy test but rather than the usual piss on a stick variety, this one involved chicken schnitzels. We had to pan fry the schnitzel and if it turned blue, it was a boy and a pink schnitzel would indicate a girl. He said despite being certain we would be having another boy, the schnitzel was, in fact, pink.
Both dreaming about babies at the same time. You might say we are co-clucking. And it just beggars belief. Last night, not only did Zee wake up four times BEFORE MIDNIGHT but we also had LD pay us a visit at around 11pm to say that he'd had a dream about monsters.
Then, they both woke at around 6am, headfirst into the day. I use the word 'day' loosely because to my mind, if the sun ain't all the way up, it ain't day yet. So exactly what are B and I doing dreaming about expanding our family? And then telling each other about the crazy dreams and feeling all giggly about the idea of another baby? When we're downstairs hiding from the two children we already have?
As I said, it just beggars belief.
We are tired. Bone weary. We have so very little time to try to get done the mountain of stuff that is either required or desired. The kids get on our nerves. We get on each other's nerves. Hey, let's throw a newborn into the mix!
We are nutty in the extreme.
But from the moment Zee arrived, neither B or myself had even a moment when we sensed that we were done with the baby-making. It's clear to both of us that another little being is waiting to make their grand entrance onto the Family M-G stage.
And if the thought scares us, that fear is wildly outweighed by the giddy we both feel when we mention Lil M-G 3.
This morning was tough. B went off to work (yes, on a Sunday) and there I was with two little boys living large in the way that little boys do and me dragging my sorry arse around trying to find a way into the day when my body was screaming, "Get thee to the nearest bed and slumber!" Apparently, my body is all Shakespearean.
I was sitting on the couch, willing myself to do….anything and then I was watching my kids. They were, blissfully, ignoring me. So I was free to just witness them at play. I don't do it enough. Just stop and see my kids. Really watch them. And it was cool. They were really playing together. Their age gap has narrowed enough that they can actually engage in a way that is fun for both of them. LD is still physically bigger but Zee is quite capable of holding his own. For the most part. And when in doubt, he screams bloody murder until I save him.
But watching your children together – there's nothing like it. Seeing two little people you put on the earth just hanging out? It's incredible. And in those moments, you just feel that they'll be friends for life, that they'll have each other's backs. Even if looking around at many grown up siblings tells a very different story. In this little moment, your kids have each other. And it feels like maybe that was the best gift you could ever give them.
So we want to add to that. Even amidst the exhaustion and chaos. Even though we will suddenly have one too many for the average Family Pass or Holiday Special. Even though, in years to come, our children will turn to us and list all the ways we fucked them up.
Even then. It will have been worth it.
Just one little click, friends. Click above and THAT IS IT. Vote is counted and I send you virtual love forever. Bargain!