Motherhood is not for the faint-hearted.
Everyone guesses it’ll probably be hard. And that, on occasion, it might just out and out suck.
But you’ll know you’ve reached an all time low when your day goes like this. (ACTUAL day, no creative license taken)
– 3 year old wakes at 5am. Noted as first act of aggression
- Eats a ¼ of breakfast, smears remainder on dining room table
- After being told a trip to the play centre is imminent as reward for previous days good behaviour, proceeds to bang on about play centre without pause
- After repeatedly being told not to, rolls baby brother onto floor so that baby hits head and starts to cry
- Sent to room for being naughty. Replies, “I’m not naughty, I’m funny”
- Fakes intense distress at nappy being changed
- Still on change table, further distress at being dressed for the day including kicking mother in the tits (mother is short, kick would connect with normal sized human beings guts – still uncool)
- Still banging on about play centre and shocked to discover that recent bad behaviour overrides past good and thus, no play centre today
- Rolls baby brother again for good measure (baby brother appears delighted leading mother to now view baby as traitor)
- Steals toy baby is currently enjoying, making baby cry (smugly, mother returns toy to baby – maybe next time baby will choose sides more wisely)
- Plays with tea set for approximately 2 seconds before throwing everything on the floor
- When told to pick up thrown tea set, throws self to floor
- On being ignored, employs tears and wailing to sell point
- After mother suggests a snack, repeatedly demands snack until it is sitting in front of him
- Finishes snack and starts calling out for mother who has taken the opportunity to put baby down for a sleep
- Finds mother in baby’s room and despite mothers hissing and gesticulating to leave room while baby falls asleep, proceeds to go to baby’s toy box and retrieve toy piano
- Plays toy piano and sings despite mothers continued hissing and gesticulating
- Disturbs baby and is thusly marched out of room by mother
- During process of being marched, suddenly afflicted with paralysis of the legs forcing mother to drag child out while also cradling baby
- Wails “I’m feeling saaaaaad” at baby’s bedroom door for another 5 minutes before boredom sets in
And then, the clock strikes 9.
A motherfucking M.
I could tell you about the rest of the day. But I’ve blocked it out.
So what has motherhood taught me today? The value of contraception.
ahahaha love it babe!
Thanks Kirst 🙂
You amuse me to no end. Oh and I can relate to the paralysis of the legs. It would probably be the single most infuriating thing Lucas does to me. When he does it, I start to fill out boarding school forms in my head…it helps…a bit….well..no..it doesn’t actually. xx
Some days are diamonds, and some are not.
Many somes, it seems!
Haha! I laugh, because if i don’t i’d be crying… possibly out of relief that it’s not just me!
I can sooooo relate to the hissing and gesticulating to leave room while baby falls asleep. That’s me at least several times a day with my darling *said with gritted teeth* 3 yr old.
Motherhood has bonded me to my women friends in a way it never did before. And it brought me you. 🙂
This shit is universal! We should be holding eachother and sobbing – not judging and one-upping.
brilliance. i’m subscribing. are you an undercover rapper?
Thank god it’s not just me who has these days! Excellent post
With no offense whatsoever intended?
I started reading this post expecting to be bored . . . another mom with another list of reasons why being a mom is so hard and yet in the end so incredibly fulfilling.
But then this . . .
“3 year old wakes at 5am. Noted as first act of aggression”
I LOVE THAT!
And the rest of the post kept getting better and better.
I remember these days.
So very very well.
Love this post!
Hey! I had that day once.
And I heard your voice. Really heard it in the telling.
Clever and honest. Well done!
(Kris sent me!)
Kris was right, your post had me giggling and nodding! This is pretty much my every day lately. Also, being kicked in the tits, especially around *that* time, brings out the insta-bitch in my house.
I’ve had days like that. Days when every single moment ticks by.
Thank you for making me laugh, because when I’m knee-deep in it, I certainly can’t.
Kris sure knows how to pick ’em. 🙂
So funny! This is the first time for me to read your blog, but I love your blog. It’s so funny!
Yes, I was wondering how the motherhood is before I became a mom. It’s the best explanation about raising a kid:-)
HA! love this. I can so relate.